


A sharp-toothed, walking tornado

by popnographic



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-03-18 22:14:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 44,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3585915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/popnographic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin's dream of being a professional swimmer is shattered, and he finds himself back in Iwatobi after about eighteen months in Australia. Everyone around him is different while he feels like he himself has stood still this entire time. Everyone is different... except for one person, and the fact that this person hasn't changed is what scares Rin. Because he knows he'll fall back in love, and that's what he's been running away from this entire time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 序幕 -prologue-

**Author's Note:**

> Post-Eternal Summer AU.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin returns to Iwatobi after his dreams of making a future in Australia are shattered to pieces.

_Rin_.

 

He hates the fact that the streets are so familiar to him when he comes back. This isn’t the way how it was supposed to end up. He was supposed to go to Australia, following the dream he’d made his own after it had been his father’s before he died — to become a professional swimmer, go to the Olympics and _succeed_ in the swimming world.

Rin should’ve known from the start that it was a dream far too good to be true for someone like him. Someone who was once described as a walking tornado.

_“With sharp teeth, though. You know, because you look like a shark.”_

_“Shut up, Haru.”_

He walks all the way back to his old house, where his mother and sister probably still live. He hasn’t been gone for so long that they’d have time to move… has he? To be honest, Rin has no idea how long it’s been since he left for Australia, but it couldn’t have been more than just a couple of months.

Things went downhill fast after he moved back. It was almost the same thing as when he moved there the first time all those years ago, except that feeling of alienation never quite disappeared this time.

He’s more fluent in English now than he first was when he came there at the age of thirteen, but even being able to communicate properly in English didn’t help him fit in and to actually start living there again. Trying to get back into swimming in Australia was difficult. He couldn’t concentrate, his lap times were beyond terrible and he wasn’t able to keep up with his university studies at the same time. In the end, Rin had to drop out and move back to Japan.

Moving back really made him feel like a failure again. Rin hates himself for having given up on the dream he’d made into his own after his father had been unable to fulfil it. He feels like he’s never going to be able to move on, to have a dream of his own that he’ll actually be able to fulfil himself.

Rin is hesitant when he stands outside the door of his old home. He chews on his lower lip in hesitation before he rings the doorbell. Unlocking the door himself when he hasn’t been here in so long would just feel weird, and he’d probably scare his sister and mother if he did.

A few seconds pass, but then he hears a set of footsteps on the other side of the door. A whirlwind of the same red as the hair on his own head greets him as the door opens, and before he realises what’s going on, two arms embrace him tight around his neck.

“Onii-chan… is it really you? I can’t believe you’re here. But why… why are you here? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to see you, but—“

“Can it wait? I just… I just came back. From the airport”, Rin mumbles into his sister’s hair. She nods, but doesn’t say anything back, and the two siblings stand in the doorway hugging for what feels like an eternity. Rin’s really missed his sister, as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, and right now, it feels good to be back.

He clears his throat and separates himself from his sister, who looks up at him with shock still written all over her face.

“Don’t tell anyone I’m back, though.”

_Especially Makoto_ , he almost says, but doesn't. He can't bring himself to face Makoto after the way he left things when he went to Australia. Rin has no idea how he would face the other man after not having been in contact and just left without really solving their argument before he moved. He could probably deal with bumping into Haru, but Makoto is the last person he wants to see. Even though he still  _does_ , he knows their reunion wouldn't be a pretty one.


	2. 一

_Makoto_.

 

"Alright, that's it for today. Good job today, you've all done great!"

The kids standing in a ring around him all look at him with excitement still glowing in their eyes. It's been a long and exhausting day, having started with a morning shift down at the beach shop, but Makoto's really enjoyed himself. Getting into this job again after only having helped out here initially wasn't that difficult, and besides, Sasabe helps him out from time to time if there's a lot going on. For the most part, though, Makoto takes care of things pretty well himself.

Having two jobs was something Makoto would have never thought of. But it's not that bad, he finds, after having worked like this for a while now. The beach shop job only lasts from eight to twelve, and then he works at the swimming club from one to five. At least it earns him enough money to live on his own, eat well and actually live a not so frugal life. Sometimes he thinks about how things would've been had he actually moved to Tokyo, but he usually doesn't want to think about it for too long so he won't start feeling sad about it.

"Thank you, coach Tachibana!" the children exclaim in unison, and they all bow. Makoto smiles and bows, too, before they all disperse in different directions, their parents having arrived to pick them up. He starts cleaning up around the pool, putting away the equipment used and making sure things look the same way they did when he first walked in a few hours ago.

Although things didn't turn out exactly the way he planned it, wanting to go to Tokyo in order to study and become a proper swimming coach for kids, this is a decent plan B. It had been difficult choosing to stay in Iwatobi, but in the end, he didn't really have to leave anyone behind and he still sort of got what he wanted. Except there are less books to bury his nose in, but maybe that's a good thing.

Having cleaned up, Makoto considers himself finally being done for the day and goes towards the exit, where he bumps into Sasabe.

"Oh, good job today, Makoto!" his old coach says as Makoto approaches him. He smiles.

"Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Sure. If you see Haruka, tell him I said hi. Well, I guess that's a given, huh."

Makoto laughs. "Yes, I suppose. And I will."

He leaves and starts walking the short distance back home. Haru expects him over for dinner in half an hour, so Makoto has just enough time to make it back to his apartment, shower, get changed and get to Haru's house in that amount of time. He usually doesn't take very long in the shower, maybe about five or ten minutes at most, so he's not in much of a hurry. Gladly, his apartment isn't too far away from Haru's house, either, along with the house his family still live in.

His parents had told him that it was completely okay for him to still live in their house, but Makoto had firmly turned their offer down, saying that now that he's an adult, he should live on his own and learn to take care of himself. His parents have been almost too lenient on him during his entire childhood, so he doesn't feel like it would be right to keep imposing on his parents now that he's actually working and making money. Even if he paid part of the rent, it still wouldn't feel right.

Living on his own isn't so bad, though. And even though his cooking skills were nearly non-existent when he first started living on his own, having had Haru teach him the basics every now and then, plus actually getting cookbooks for himself — has really helped a lot. And nowadays he actually really enjoys cooking and can make edible food. If even Haru likes his food, then that's enough proof for Makoto that he's gotten decent at it.

Makoto makes it back home, showers and gets into casual clothes before he just as quickly leaves his apartment again. Just as he locks his door, his phone buzzes in his pocket, and he picks it up to find a message from Haru.

 **Haru** :  _I need to talk to you about something when you come over. In private_.

 

He raises an eyebrow at the cryptic message, but sends away a simple "okay" before he walks over to Haru's house. It's about a five minute walk away from where he lives, so it doesn't take him long to get there. Especially with the long strides he takes when he's in a hurry or just wants to get there as quick as he can. He's had a long day and he's hungry, so Makoto very much wants to get to Haru's house as soon as possible.

Haru greets him when he opens the door, and Makoto gives him the usual hug that Haru used to despise but has gotten used to and seems to even like nowadays. The smell of green curry reaches Makoto's nostrils, and the corners of his mouth lift up into a wide smile that has Haru snort before he lets his 'guest' in.

It feels weird to call himself a guest, because Makoto's been there so many times that it's pretty much his second home. Well, third now that he lives on his own, but those are unimportant details.

Makoto follows Haru into the kitchen, where an even taller man is standing in front of the stove.

"Hey, Sousuke. Thanks for having me over", he says, and Sousuke turns around. He rolls his eyes.

"How many times have I told you not to act so formal? You practically live here. I mean, jeez — you've been here more times than I have, and I _actually_ live here."

He smiles apologetically and sits down by the kotatsu where there are already plates, bowls, spoons and chopsticks laid out. "I guess it lies in my nature."

Sousuke shrugs. "You're too kind of a person. Now lets eat, I'm starving."

"I am, too", Makoto says and laughs. "It smells delicious."

The compliment has Sousuke clearing his throat and Haru chuckling, and Makoto has to bite back a laugh. Sousuke has never been one to take compliments well, much like Haru. Makoto used to think they're polar opposites, but in reality, they're very similar. Haruka and Sousuke have their differences, sure — but Makoto can clearly see what eventually made the two make up and eventually start dating.

He's impressed, though; back when they were still fighting, Makoto didn't think they would ever be able to get over their past and try to start over. Sousuke was too stubborn to let go, and Haru was too stubborn to try and make up with a guy who probably wouldn't even think to agree in the first place. Some miracle happened involving Sousuke coming to see Haruka one day, and now they're here — living at Haru's house as boyfriends.

Makoto smiles as he looks at the two sitting across from him. "I still find it kinda weird that you two are dating sometimes", he says. Sousuke looks at him like there are mushrooms growing out of his face, and then he just scoffs.

"Should we take that as a compliment?"

"Yeah", Makoto says and picks up some curry-soaked rice with his chopsticks. "I'm glad, though. You two really are good for each other."

Haru clears his throat, and Sousuke glares at him before looking down into his bowl. "Thanks, Makoto."

 

* * *

 

When they're done with dinner, Makoto's offer of helping to clean up in the kitchen having been denied, he sits patiently by the kotatsu and waits for the couple to return. Amused, he listens to their bickering in the kitchen whilst flipping through the TV channels. They do bicker a lot, but that's about it; there are rarely any actual fights between Haruka and Sousuke, which kind of amazes Makoto for the amount of bickering they do.

He's glad they've put their differences aside after all this time, though, and he thinks the two of them really have grown up. Well, it was kind of to be expected since they've been out of high school for about a year and a half by now, but maybe being out of the high school environment sped up the maturing process a little.

Haru's the first to return from the kitchen, and he motions for Makoto to follow him out to the back of the house where Haru usually feeds the stray cats that come by every now and then. They close the door behind them and sit on the little porch, Makoto patiently waiting for whatever it is Haru needs to talk to him about.

"Don't freak out about this", Haru begins. "I don't know anything about this myself, I just saw it today."

Makoto frowns. "Please just get to the actual subject, you're worrying me."

"I saw Rin in Iwatobi today, with Gou."

Makoto's heart stops. He turns his head to the side to face Haru, who looks back at him with an expression of both worry and seriousness. "Are you sure it was h—"

"Makoto, I'm not blind. We both see Gou every now and then, and there's no way I'd mistake someone else as her. And Rin looks exactly the same as he did before he left. Well, no, not quite. It looks like the sunshine left him and there's a big grey raincloud over his head, but his physical appearance is the same."

Makoto takes a shaky breath and looks up at the sky, realising he suddenly has tears burning behind his eyelids. He's missed Rin like crazy all this time, and he thought he wouldn't see Rin for at least another few months before he'd come back for Christmas. But for Rin to be back _now_... isn't it just at the beginning of his second year?

"I wonder why he's back now of all times", he manages to say.

"I don't know. Like I said, I just saw him with Gou, and I didn't feel like it was a good time to call out to him, so I didn't. I didn't want to tell Sousuke about it since I know he'd be mad. So I'm telling you instead."

Makoto doesn't know what to do with the information he's been given. He doesn't know if it's okay for him to try and contact Rin, if Rin's back temporarily or for good. He wants to contact Rin so badly, but knows Haru's going to tell him not to. And he knows that he probably shouldn't, and just let Rin come to them instead. That doesn't mean he actually  _will_ , but they don't really have much of a choice other than to hope it'll happen.

"What should we do?"

"I don't know", Haru replies. At least for now, don't let Sousuke know. And don't try to contact him; I know you want to."

Makoto smiles sadly and nods. "I won't."

Haru sighs and pulls Makoto's head to lean on his shoulder. "I think he'll get in touch with us, though. Whenever he's ready. I'm guessing a lot of stuff must've happened considering the way he looked. And I don't think he's just here on a temporary visit, which gives us all the more reason to stay away until he takes the first step."

"Okay", Makoto says, his stomach feeling hollow and chest hurting. He's worried about Rin and desperately wants to know how he is, what he's doing in Iwatobi, how long he's staying. He wants to be there for Rin more than anything and always have, even long before Rin had decided to move to Australia. His decision had been tough to accept, but Makoto also wanted for Rin to chase his dream, for him to not stay in the same place for too long as it doesn't suit him.

Things didn't end very well between him and Rin before he moved to Australia. They'd had a silly argument, and then Makoto just assumed that their relationship fizzled out since they haven't kept in contact since. He doesn't know a single thing of what Rin has been doing in Australia, how he's been... nothing. To hear that he's back makes him conflicted. He wants to contact Rin, to just see him and see for himself that he's okay.

But what would he say? Rin is probably still pissed off at him, and the last thing Makoto wants is for their argument to come back up to the surface the first time they see each other in nearly two years.

When it starts getting dark, Makoto decides it's probably time for him to head back. Having said goodbye to Sousuke out in the living room, he's joined by Haru in the hallway where he puts his shoes on.

"I'll tell you if I see him again", Haru says. "But remember what I said. Don't try anything, leave him alone for now."

Makoto nods. "Yeah, I know. Thanks, Haru. I'm glad you told me."

"Sure."

Mustering all his energy to smile, he exits the Nanase-Yamazaki household and begins walking back home.


	3. 二

_Rin_.

 

Rin sleeps in late pretty much every day since he's moved back home. Mostly to avoid bumping into his mother or sister in the kitchen before they head out for the day, but also because he doesn't see the point in getting up early anymore. Obviously, Rin doesn't have a job, and he has no idea what he's supposed to do now. He knows he can't stay in bed and avoid people forever, and that he's probably going to get kicked out if he doesn't get a job soon.

He gets out of bed around two in the afternoon, having some of the leftovers from last night's dinner. He showers and decides to get out of the house for once, going down to the shops by the bay and the beach shop further down, and see if he can't get himself a job there. Even if it's part-time, it's something, and definitely better than the nothing he currently has. He has some work experience from Australia, and contacts to people they can talk to in case they don't believe him, their names, email addresses and phone numbers scribbled down on a note shoved down in his pocket.

The minimart turns out to be a bust, since they're full and don't want to over-hire, as the guy had put it. Of course; just having people hired that don't actually work is going to be a loss for them, so Rin just thanks the guy before he walks out and puts up his hood again. He's scared he'll walk into someone he knows; it's entirely possible since he grew up here and knows the faces of most people around Iwatobi. And if he does walk into someone familiar, he doesn't really know how to explain him being back so soon.

What would he say? That Australia didn't work out because he wasn't mentally strong enough? He doesn't want to tell them anything, because they don't deserve to know. Why should they? It's none of their business, anyway. This is a mess Rin has made for himself, he's the one responsible and the only one whose business it is. He hasn't even disclosed full details of the situation to Gou or his mother, but at least they know the gist of what happened. Rin feels like they deserve to know at least the basics, since they're family, but that's about it. He doesn't want to lump his problems onto other people.

Rin tries a few other shops down by the beach and eventually further up in town, but they all turn him down, either saying that he needs more experience in their field or that they're not hiring for the moment. Resisting to punch a nearby brick wall as he exits the seventh store for the day, Rin curses to himself as he shoves his hands down the pockets of his hoodie and starts walking back home.

The music is loud in his ears and he's completely oblivious to his surroundings, but that's just until he accidentally walks into someone, bumping his shoulder into them.

"Sorry", he mumbles before he looks up and his eyes meet a pair of emerald green ones who stare back at him in shock.

"Rin...?"

 

* * *

 

The two of them stare at each other for a while, before Rin finally loses his guts and averts his gaze to the side, frowning. This is exactly what wasn't supposed to happen, and yet it did. He can't really be surprised, though — he's still in Iwatobi and it isn't the biggest town. But at the same time, of  _course_ he should be surprised, because Makoto's supposed to be in Tokyo, studying to become a swimming coach for children. So why is he still in Iwatobi? Rin finds it hard to believe that he's just on a visit.

Asking Makoto why he's still in Iwatobi is dumb and an obvious trap, as he knows Makoto would just ask him the same question back. Which is fair, sure, but Rin would blatantly refuse to answer it if he were to be asked.

"Been a while", he mumbles after a while, stubbornly looking down at his shoes.

"Yeah. How... how've you been?"

It's so awkward, so stiff, and Rin wants to run. He misses the old days of just spending days out on Makoto's porch, him being embraced by his well-built boyfriend and enjoying the time he got to spend with Makoto. Things were far easier back then, that's for sure. In a way, he wishes he could go back to it, but he knows he can't. Not after all he's put Makoto through, and not after all he's been through, himself.

"Good", Rin lies. "You?"

"Same here. Are you heading somewhere?"

Rin shrugs. "Not really. Home, I suppose."

"Do you live with your mum and Gou?"

"Yeah."

Makoto clears his throat. "Listen, I know this is a bit sudden, but... do you wanna come back to my place for a bit? To just... catch up?"

Rin finally manages to look at Makoto, and he does so in shock, before frowning a little. "Do you still live with your family?"

The brunet shakes his head. "No. I have my own apartment just five minutes from— from Haru."

So things really  _have_ changed in the time he's been gone. Rin feels like it hasn't been  _that_ long, but since Makoto's had the time to move out and get his own place, Rin figures it's got to have been far longer than he thinks it's been. It makes him feel bad that he's pretty much lost all his comprehension of time, but he decides not to dwell on it as it's not going to do him any good now.

"I see."

"So do you wanna come over or...?"

Rin bites his lower lip in hesitation. This is bad. Once he gets into that apartment, he knows he's gonna be stuck and never want to leave. Makoto deserves better than someone who keeps running away, someone who can't stop causing trouble for the people he cares about. Makoto shouldn't be bothering himself with trying to re-establish contact with Rin, and that's what makes the redhead so confused and so angry. Makoto doesn't deserve this.

"I can't", he says.

"Why?"

Of course that would follow. Rin doesn't really have a short answer to that question, and he definitely doesn't want to give Makoto the long version. He sighs in frustration.

"I just— I can't. Okay?"  _I don't want to go back to what we had, because you deserve better than that_.

"Rin, I just want to talk. I'm not going to yell at you or force you to tell me anything. In fact, if you want, I could do all of the talking. I just want to spend time with you now that I've finally gotten to see you again."

A lump forms in Rin's throat, and he turns his head to the side. "Whatever, okay — I'm coming."

He's mostly doing it because he doesn't want Makoto to be sad; god knows he's put a sad frown on Makoto's face far too many times in the time they've known each other.

 

* * *

 

Makoto doesn't say anything while they walk to his apartment. Rin figures he's doing that old Makoto-esque thing of just letting Rin talk whenever he wants to; he used to do that with Haru a lot back in the day and it's probably one of those things about Makoto that hasn't changed. Come to think of it, not much about Makoto seems to have changed. Rin feels like exactly everything else around him has, but Makoto seems to be the same Makoto Rin knew back in the day, back before he'd made the terrible decision of moving back to Australia.

Rin enters Makoto's apartment after him and mumbles a "sorry for intruding" before Makoto laughs and tells him he doesn't have to be so polite. He's shown into the living room, which is a rather compact but bright space with light colours, is sparsely furnished and really reminds Rin of Makoto. Of course it would, the guy  _lives_ here, after all. He's told to sit by the kotatsu table and wait while Makoto disappears into a small kitchenette to make them tea.

"You can turn on the TV if you want", Makoto tells him from the kitchen. "I don't have too many channels, but you might find something interesting."

Rin does as he's told and turns on the TV, absent-mindedly flipping through the channels. When he's gone through the channel library twice, he turns the TV off and digs his phone out of his pocket. At some point, he'd gotten a text message from Gou, but he doesn't remember feeling his phone vibrate. Or maybe he was just too occupied with thinking about the fact that he's with Makoto and that he's actually met someone outside his family again since he's been back from Australia. He's torn between staying because it's Makoto, or running away for the exact same reason. But of course, Rin stays put and just reads his sister's message.

 **Gou** : _Where'd you run off to all of a sudden? The rest of your packing came from Australia earlier, so Mum and I went to pick it up for you. The boxes are in your room. Don't worry, we didn't go through them_.

 

He holds back a snort. He's glad they did the sensible thing and kept their noses out of his boxes. Not that he really has anything to hide in there since most of it's just clothes, but it's still rude to go through someone else's stuff no matter what the contents are.

 **You** :  _Went out for a bit, will be back for dinner. Thanks_.

 

Just as he puts his phone back into his pocket, Makoto comes back from the kitchen with a tray, on which there's a pot of tea and two cups. He sets them down and starts pouring tea before he sits down himself and sighs.

"I'm really glad to see you", Makoto says. "I just... didn't expect it to be so soon. Not that it doesn't already feel like forever since I last saw you, but I didn't think you'd be back until Christmas or something."

Rin almost wants to laugh at Makoto's clumsy wording. He really hasn't changed, has he?

"Yeah, well... some things happened. Don't tell Haru I'm back, though."

Makoto fidgets a little. "Well... er, that's... Haru knows."

Rin chokes on his tea and has to cough for nearly a minute before he settles down. He stares at Makoto in a mix of disbelief and anger. " _What?_ Did you tell him?"

The other hurriedly shakes his head. "No, no — he told me, actually. He saw you in town the other day with Gou, but he didn't want to approach you."

"Good decision", Rin mutters. "So what, everyone knows I'm back?"

"No, it's probably just me and Haru. We didn't want to tell Sousuke since he'd probably get—"

"What you mean 'tell Sousuke'?" Rin asks suspiciously. "He moved back to Tokyo, didn't he? Speaking of which, why aren't  _you_ in Tokyo? Aren't you supposed to study to become a swim coach for kids?"

He asks it before he has time to think, and immediately regrets it.

Makoto sighs. "It's... it's a very long story. Like,  _really_ long. I kind of didn't want you to find out from me, but since it slipped out..." he trails off, probably hoping that Rin won't pursue the subject any further. But he's dead wrong if that's what he thinks, because Rin's interested and wants some answers to these questions that have popped up in his head within the span of just a few seconds.

"Whatever, just get on with it", Rin says, secretly relieved that he didn't get the same question asked back, and waves his hand irritatingly.

And Makoto starts talking. He tells Rin of how Sousuke had come to Haru's house to talk things out since he didn't feel like he had much of a reason to be angry with Haru anymore. Not after all the things Rin himself had told Sousuke about Haru, about the struggles he's gone through and the massive pressure he's been under for a long time. Rin isn't sure if it's the same thing now, but he figures that Haru must've worked something out by now. At least that's what he hopes.

Makoto tells him that after Sousuke and Haruka had made up, the two of them had started actually hanging out as friends and eventually started dating. Sousuke's apparently living at Haru's place now, and it's such a strange concept that Rin almost wants to interrupt Makoto and ask if he's joking, if this is just something Makoto's making up as he goes. But then again, why would Makoto make up a story as extreme as this? There's no reason, and it makes Rin all the more confused as to how all this happened.

The brunet also talks about why he's still in Iwatobi and why he's currently working two part-time jobs at the old swimming club and the beach shop — and Rin is secretly happy he didn't actually get a job there now — and that he just wasn't good enough or even mentally prepared to move to Tokyo.

"It's a little tough to think about at times, but I'm actually having fun working at the swim club and teaching the kids. It's pretty much what I would've ended up doing in the end, anyway, and hopefully I'll get a full-time job there soon. I just... it just hurts a little, having your dream crushed because you weren't good enough", Makoto says and smiles sadly.

It stings in his chest as Rin realises that he and Makoto are pretty much in the same boat; both having to give up on their dreams because they weren't good enough. It just doesn't make sense to him how Makoto wasn't good enough; he's always had the best grades in school out of all of them, even though he's terrible at English and art, so for him not to be good enough for  _any_ of the universities he'd applied to is something Rin just can't comprehend.

"Anyway", Makoto says and clears his throat, being back to his usual self, "I'm... I really want to know why you're back, Rin. And I know that it might be difficult to talk about, so I won't pressure you. Just know that I'm here if you ever want to talk. And that I'm worried about you."

Rin doesn't want to tell him. Even if it's Makoto, he still doesn't want to lay his secrets bare to the taller male, having to admit to someone other than himself that he's a failure. This is why he didn't want to meet anyone from his hometown, because he knew this was going to happen. Because he knew he'd have to face the truth and have to deal with it, which is something he's doing his best to run away from and has done a pretty good job of doing so far.

"Don't pull that bullshit on me to try and guilt me into telling you", Rin growls, and Makoto holds his hands up in a surrendering gesture.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that I'm here for you if you  _do_ want to talk. But I'm not going to force you. I'm just worried, that's all."

There's some other meaning behind Makoto's words that Rin can't figure out. He can hear that Makoto wants to say something else, but he doesn't, and it makes Rin confused. He doesn't want to assume, because he's not full of himself, but Rin thinks he has a pretty good idea of what's going on. And it scares him, makes him want to get up and leave. But for some reason, he can't. Or maybe it is that he  _won't_. Either way, he's stuck between getting up and exiting that apartment, and just staying put, talking to Makoto.

The two of them hadn't had much alone time in their years together, even as kids, before they started dating. Makoto and Haru were practically attached by the hip, and were like a package deal; if you wanted to hang out with one of them, the other one came along whether you wanted it or not. Truth is, Rin had wanted to be alone with Makoto several times before. Not just because of his ugly desires and unwanted feelings, but because he wanted to be with Makoto when he wasn't affected by Haruka. He wanted to see the  _real_ Makoto, the one that wasn't constantly worried about Haru, talking or thinking about him.

Rin used to always think that Makoto and Haruka would end up together, married and all that. Well, that is if Japan actually married homosexual couples. If they did, it wouldn't have surprised him if they'd already be married — well, now that Haru's with Sousuke, it wouldn't work out. But for him and Makoto to actually be able to date without Haru breathing down Rin's neck was a pleasant surprise, and he's glad Haru was so supportive of them, even though he never really outright said it. His actions showed far more than words ever could have, anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

"I should probably leave. I've been imposing on your hospitality for far too long now, and my family probably wonder where I've gone off to", Rin says some time after Makoto's insisted on making him dinner. Rin was pleasantly surprised to find out that Makoto's cooking skills have improved quite a lot since their high school days, and he figures it's because the guy actually lives on his own now without much of any other choice but to cook his own food.

"It's fine, you're not really bothering me", Makoto says with a smile. Rin wants to stay so badly, but he also doesn't. He feels the tiniest inklings of panic bubble up within him when he realises just how much time he's spent with Makoto, and feels like he has to get out  _now_.

He still doesn't understand why Makoto insists on trying to be with him as much as he can; Rin hasn't really proven to be much of a person you'd  _want_ to be around, and it's all been deliberate. He wants Makoto to realise that it's a bad idea, that things just aren't the same anymore and probably can't go back to the way things were before, either.

"I might not be bothering you, but I might worry Mum and Gou since they probably don't know where I went off to."

Well, they _do_ know, but that's not something Rin feels like he has to tell Makoto. He goes to walk out, and should've probably expected Makoto to do something to keep him there for just a little bit longer. He feels two strong arms embrace him from behind, and Rin tenses up.

"Makoto, let go."

"Rin, I... I missed you. I still do. I miss  _us_."

Panic wells up inside Rin and he wrangles free from Makoto's grip somehow. "I can't do this", he says. "I need to go."

Surprisingly, Makoto lets him. Rin exits the apartment and leaves without saying another word, and without hearing anything from Makoto, either. It's probably better that way, because he's pretty sure that if he heard Makoto say anything else in that pleading voice of his, he probably wouldn't be able to withstand it. He hates how Makoto has that kind of power, and that's why it amazes him how he managed to wriggle himself free from it as easily as he did.

Maybe that's because he hasn't been exposed to it for nearly two years up until today, and the effect from back then has worn off. He hopes it won't settle in again, that this won't become a habit for them. He'd hoped that Makoto would've moved on by now, forgotten about the feelings he had for Rin. Seeing as he hasn't makes Rin feel even worse, because it's not like he's forgotten and moved on, either.

Rin instinctively hits a nearby brick wall on his way back, leaving behind sore, red knuckles and passers-by staring at him like he's out of his mind. He probably is, that would actually explain a few things.

When he comes back home, Gou and his mother are watching TV in the living room, and he doesn't feel like going in there just to say hi, because that's not going to be it. They're going to inquire about a lot of things, especially his hand from where he's bleeding. And how would he explain that? It's a bad idea only inviting problems, so he sneaks past the living room up the stairs to the bathroom where he begins cleaning his wounds, swearing between gritted teeth as he's doing so.

He needs to move again. Away from Iwatobi where Makoto is nowhere to be found. Away from the place where literally everyone seems to have stayed, but still things managed to change so much that he barely recognises it. He doesn't have enough money to move, and even if he did, he doesn't know where he'd go. As much as Rin hates to admit it, everything he has is in Iwatobi. Going someplace new isn't going to help; Australia was pretty much the only evidence he needed for that, and he's been there before, even.

After having patched himself up, Rin showers, brushes his teeth and goes to bed without going downstairs even once.  _They'll figure it out_ , he thinks just as he drifts off to sleep. He hopes luck will turn around for him starting the next day, enabling him to avoid bumping into either Haru or Sousuke if he decides to be brave and go outside — but knows that with the luck he's had recently, that probably won't happen.


	4. 三

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin's plans on trying to stay incognito in Iwatobi fail yet again, and he's being faced with not just one, but several threats.

_Rin_.

 

He runs into Makoto again about a week after they'd first met. Rin is out shopping for groceries and other necessities, and that's when he spots Makoto across the street, coming out from the beach shop. He's just about to turn around and walk away when Makoto calls out to him.

"Rin!"

He freezes in place, and listens as Makoto's footsteps grow louder and eventually stop when Makoto's right in front of him. He doesn't look up to meet Makoto's gaze; his heart's beating so hard he's afraid it's going to explode if he makes eye contact.

"I didn't think I'd see you here", Makoto says, apparently not caring that Rin didn't return his greeting. "Are you heading somewhere?"

"Home", he replies curtly. "Grocery shopping."

"Oh." He hopes that this'll make Makoto give up on trying to make conversation — it actually pains Rin having to be this cold and distant — but it seems Makoto isn't going to give up that easily. "I just finished my shift, so I'm heading home, too."

"Shift?" Rin asks and eyes the shop Makoto just exited. "You work there?"

"Yeah, part-time. I work at the swim club from morning until afternoon, and then for a few hours here in the afternoon."

Rin frowns a little. "Isn't that kind of a hassle? Juggling two jobs, I mean."

"Not really", Makoto replies, and Rin can see him shrug in the corner of his eye. "It's not too bad; I get to do fun stuff at the centre, and then just stand behind a cash register for a few hours in the afternoon."

Rin remembers the event during their childhood that had left Makoto terrified of the ocean for years, and before he can stop himself, he ends up asking. "Are you okay with... the ocean now?"

He feels Makoto's eyes on him, and he's pretty sure he's struck a sensitive nerve. Rin wants to punch himself for being so blunt at times, for not thinking before he speaks and ask questions like these, that are sure to reopen closed wounds.

"Yeah, pretty much", Makoto replies, and there's not a hint of hesitation or dishonesty in his voice. "I used to see a therapist for a while, and she helped me get over it for the most part. Then it was just time that helped the rest of the way."

"Time heals all wounds, huh", Rin murmurs, mostly to himself, but he's sure Makoto heard it, too. He clears his throat and turns around. "Anyway, I should probably go. Groceries might go bad", he says and hopes that this might be the thing that makes Makoto realise it's not the best time for a chit-chat.

"Ah, right, sorry", Makoto replies and steps to the side. Rin walks past him and almost expects to be stopped, but there's nothing; not a hand on his shoulder, no words coming from Makoto that would most definitely make him stop once again. He wonders if maybe Makoto's realised that Rin doesn't want anything more to happen between them. Well, it's not that he doesn't  _want_ to, he just knows Makoto deserves better than the mess Rin currently is.

He can't deny that it does sting a little when Makoto doesn't make an effort to try and stop him from walking away, though.

 

* * *

 

A few days of job-hunting pass, and Rin still doesn't have any luck with it. He's quickly running out of places to go to, and he considers maybe expanding his search to neighbouring cities. It's not like it would be that difficult for him to commute; taking the train is easy, fairly cheap and if just going to the closest neighbouring towns, he can get to most of them within forty minutes.

"If we do end up with a vacant spot, we'll call you", the manager of a sushi restaurant tells him, but Rin knows those are just empty promises. He thanks the man and exits the restaurant, shortly after which he receives a text message. He sighs in annoyance when he sees who it's from, and leans against a nearby wall to read and possibly respond to it.

 **Gou** :  _Haruka-senpai was here earlier, looking for you. He wanted to talk to you. He also told me you haven't said you're back yet. Why not? Call me_.

 

An unpleasant chill runs down Rin's back and he shivers involuntarily. He almost wants to chuck his phone into the wall across from him, but refrains from doing so. It's not like he has the money to replace it at this point, anyway. And even if he does it, he still has to face his sister and the inevitable confrontation that would ensue. Rin knows his sister won't let him off the hook with something like this, so it's with slow steps he's walking back home. If he can prolong it, he will — and walking slowly seems to help a little.

Eventually, he does make it back home, though. Their mother has yet to come back home judging by the fact that the car is still gone, so his last excuse to put off the confrontation flies out the window with his mother's absence. He sighs before entering the house and saying his usual greeting.

"I'm home", he says, and soon hears footsteps coming from the living room.

"Welcome back", a stern voice greets him. "I hope you didn't think I'd forget."

 _Of course not_ , he thinks to himself, holding back the unnecessarily harsh reply. Before he feels like he's in a position to properly reply, Rin takes his shoes off and steps further inside. "No, I know you wouldn't forget that easily", he mutters in response.

"Good", Gou says. "Now, I'll leave you two alone so you can talk. I don't really have any say in this, anyway."

Panic creeps up on him, and Rin stares at his sister wide-eyed. "What the hell are you—"

"Hey", a voice greets him from the living room. He almost doesn't want to turn and face the source of said voice, but he doesn't have anywhere to run at this point, knowing very well that Gou would be there within the blink of an eye to stop him. Rin's eyes fall on a raven-haired man standing in the doorway into the living room, arms crossed and that infamous expression on his face that normal people would see as neutral, but Rin clearly sees he's not happy. He might not be mad yet, but there's a big chance he'll get there.

"Haru", he breathes. Rin glares at Gou, who looks back at him with a raised eyebrow, not looking in the least bit sorry. Of course Haru would still be here, there's no way he'd just leave after having looked for Rin now that he's aware Rin is back in town.

He almost wants to ask ' _why are you here?_ ', but he doesn't really have to, since he knows the answer to that question already. The air around them feels thick, almost tangible, and he wants to escape it so badly. It's so typical that they have to be in his house and not elsewhere, since now he doesn't really have anywhere to run. Especially with his younger sister keeping an eye on him, making sure he won't run off.

It's funny, because Rin almost reminds himself of Makoto, how Makoto used to be so scared of conflicts and avoid them at all costs. Especially when it came to Haru. It had once gone to the point where Rin himself had to intervene, and solved the problem by taking Haru to Australia for a change of pace, a change of surroundings and a chance to gather his thoughts where there weren't people around who could distract or stress him out.

Back then, Australia was a place Rin could go to in order to get some peace and quiet, to get away from the stress back at Samezuka and in Iwatobi. Now, Australia would be almost as bad going back to as Iwatobi is a place for him to stay in. Yet, he doesn't have much of a choice at the moment since he's low on funds and can't afford to get his own place. It's so typical his luck, and he wants to laugh at himself for having fucked up so badly for himself once again.

"Why didn't you say anything? I thought we were friends", Haru says, and Rin flinches before he frowns.

"What the hell, you think I don't consider you a friend just because I didn't tell you I'm back? That's unfair, Haru, and you know it."

"So why  _didn't_ you tell me? Us?"

He has a perfectly good reason for not telling Makoto, but seeing as Rin's bumped into him twice already, that's not something he can really bring up. Haru probably knows all about it already, anyway — it wouldn't surprise him. And if Haru knows, then Sousuke probably does, too. Hell, everyone seems to know already, so why not? But the scariest thing is the fact that Sousuke might know.

Rin bites his lower lip in hesitation. He doesn't have a good excuse for avoiding Haru other than the fact that he's attached by the hip to Makoto, and by relation, it's a bad idea to tell Haru that he's back in Iwatobi since Makoto would find out within seconds. Now that Haru's apparently dating Sousuke, telling him would be even worse of an idea seeing as two of the people Rin doesn't want to find out could still potentially find out. It's not that he thinks Haru would normally tell on him, but he knows that in this case, Haru probably would. 'It's for your best' is a phrase not too unlikely to come from Haru, and Rin is somewhat glad he didn't get to hear it, since he'd just get pissed off.

"I was scared", he admits. "I didn't want to tell you since I didn't want to find out how you'd react."

"I'm pretty sure you know how I'd react anyway, right?"

Haru's voice is dripping with venom and it wouldn't surprise Rin if his ears were to rot and die from it. He had it coming and he's aware of it, but he didn't expect Haru to react like  _this_. Rin suspects him having lived with Sousuke changed a few things in him. Whether it's a good or a bad thing, Rin has yet to decide.

"I guess", he says. "Honestly... I don't know why I didn't tell you. It would've been a lot easier having only you know in the first place."

"It started out that way. I was the one who knew you were back first, but then I had to tell Makoto. Because I know he'd tell me if it had been the other way around."

Rin doesn't like what Haru's implying, but once again, he finds himself holding back an aggressive comment. "Does Sousuke know?" he asks instead. Haru shakes his head.

"No. I thought I'd give you a chance to tell him yourself, since I know he won't take it well if it comes from someone else."

Rin snorts. "You seem to suddenly know a lot about a guy you used to hate."

"I never hated him. I just found him annoying since he seemed to hate me, and I never understood why. That was a long time ago, and people can change, whether you want to believe it or not."

Rin still can't really wrap his mind around the fact that former enemies Haru and Sousuke managed to put their past behind them and even start dating. The former thing in itself seemed too strange of a concept, but adding the latter just makes Rin wonder if he's not already living in a hell that's frozen over. He doesn't really know what to think about it, either; whether to be happy or pissed off that his two best friends are suddenly dating. Not that he'd want to date either one of them, but it just feels so odd to him. It almost feels like it's some sort of sick joke to make him react. But in what way would they want him to react? Do they want him to be angry, sad, happy? Nothing makes sense, but it's not the first time he's felt that way.

"You're right, it's a little hard for me to believe. Not that I think you're lying, but it's just... weird."

Haruka snorts. "Well, that goes without saying. You haven't been around, so obviously some things would have changed."

"You don't have to shove that in my face", Rin bites back. "I know I haven't been here, because I was in Australia. I had my reasons for that."

"Yeah, you wanted to run away. Why else did you go only to return so soon? Obviously you didn't go there with the right intentions."

Rin flinches. He hates that Haru knows him so well that he doesn't even have to guess why Rin went to Australia this time around. Last time was different, obviously, and back then Rin actually told his friends why he wanted to go. Now when he returned, all he had in his mind was wanting to run away and relieve his friends of the troubles he kept causing them.

"You have to talk to Makoto", Haru says, and Rin frowns.

"Why?"

"He seems to think that something can happen between you two again now that you're back. But I'm guessing you're not up for it, are you?"

 _I am, but Makoto deserves better_ , Rin thinks. "I don't know", he says instead, but his answer obviously doesn't satisfy Haru. "I don't want to put him through unnecessary shit."

"So you're intent on doing that before trying? Why don't you just end it then? You never really did, so what's stopping you if you don't want to be with him?"

"Why does it matter to you?!" he barks. "What's between Makoto and me is between us, and it doesn't concern you!"

"It does, though. You're my best friends, and I care about you both. And since Makoto's been kind of hopeful when he's talked to me since you came back, I knew I needed to step in since you're not going to do anything yourself. And if Makoto does, I'm pretty sure he'll just get hurt, the way you're acting right now."

Rin curses himself for not having at least sent Makoto a text message to end their relationship officially. Sure, that would've been a coward's way out of it, and Rin normally wouldn't prefer doing it like that, but it'd be a whole lot better than just leaving it. Now Makoto thinks they might be able to go back to the way things used to be, but even if Rin wants it, too, he doesn't want that for Makoto. Makoto deserves someone who can actually treat him like a decent human being, and Rin isn't the right person for the job.

"So what, you want me to break up with him just like that?"

"If that's what you want, then yes. Because it doesn't look like you want to be in a relationship with him, that's for sure. And I'm giving you a short deadline, because I'm not going to stand by and watch Makoto suffer any longer."

Haruka walks past Rin out into the hallway, preparing to leave. Rin boils with anger, his clenched fists shaking at his sides. He's not just going to take Haru spouting these things at him, telling him what to do when he doesn't know a single thing as to why Rin has to avoid Makoto, why he's unable to end their relationship just like that. It's not that easy; they've been together for so long that Rin doesn't even know exactly  _how_ long it's been since that one day he asked Makoto out on their first date, after they'd been tiptoeing around the whole issue for what felt like ages.

He sighs in annoyance and turns around. "Alright, fine! I'll talk to him! Are you happy now?"

Haruka turns his head and raises an eyebrow. "No, of course not. You haven't really done anything yet, so why should I be? Come back and ask the same question when you've actually figured out this mess you've put yourself in. And don't you dare come ask me for help. You're on your own."

The black-haired man says goodbye to Gou out in the kitchen before he exits the house, leaving the siblings all to themselves. Gou comes back into the living room and stands in front of her brother with a sigh. "I'm not sorry, you know. I don't think this is right, either. Makoto-senpai deserves better than this."

Rin frowns and averts his gaze. "Yeah, I know."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know what I want to do."

Gou lets out a sigh and shakes her head. "I know you don't want to talk about whatever happened in Australia and why you're being like this, but I feel like you have to pretty soon. None of this is making sense to anyone, and you owe us an explanation. Especially me and Mum, since you suddenly came back to live here when you're supposed to be studying at university right now."

It annoys Rin how much both Haru and Gou seem to downplay Rin's experiences in Australia, that they seem to think it hasn't been  _that_ bad for him. Obviously that's his fault, since he hasn't told them what happened and what made him eventually decide to give it all up and go back home. He doesn't want to, but knows he has to tell them eventually since, much like Gou said, he owes them that.

"Fine, I'll talk. But I apparently have to talk to Makoto and Sousuke first, or Haru's gonna beat me up. I have a feeling Sousuke will anyway, but I guess I deserve that."

Gou clicks her tongue and rolls her eyes before she pulls her brother close for a hug. He tries to resist at first, but Gou won't loosen her embrace. "It's not like we're doing this because we hate you and want to see you suffer. It's the opposite, really. I love you, and I know the others do, too. I think you know that, as well, but you're probably too stubborn to admit it."

Rin knows that he is, but he doesn't say it. "Whatever."

"Please talk to Makoto-senpai as soon as possible. I know Haruka-senpai said it, too, but... he really is hurting. He's hopeful, but I also believe he knows you won't let him close. You need to let him know why, and if it's really what you want — you need to end your relationship with him so he can move on. This isn't helping either one of you."

"Since when are you my therapist, Gou?"  _Keep your nose out of my business_ , he thinks.

"I'm not, but I'm your sister, and I've known you for longer than any of the others. I'm also capable of saying those things that Makoto-senpai, Haruka-senpai and Sousuke-kun would either be too embarrassed to say or just not think about. It's a little different."

Rin exhales slowly and closes his eyes. It's been far too long since he hugged his sister like this, and he feels bad. Gou is the last person he wants to distance himself from — she's really all he has left, and while he doesn't understand why she hasn't given up on her brother yet, Rin is beyond thankful for it. Maybe that's what siblings are supposed to be, and if so, he's really not done a good job as her brother.

"Gou."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. I'm... I'm gonna talk to them. To Haru, Sousuke... and Makoto."

"I'm glad to hear that. Good luck."


	5. 四

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto makes a bold move that causes surprising — and maybe _not_ so surprising — consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank you guys for commenting, subscribing and leaving kudos on this fic! It means a lot to me whenever someone shows their appreciation for something I've written, whether it's just by leaving kudos or writing a comment. So thank you, and I hope you'll enjoy the rest of it!

_Makoto_.

 

Makoto sighs and rolls over in bed for the umpteenth time that night. It's one of those weird nights when having the duvet is too hot, but _not_ having it is too cold, so he finds himself tossing it off him and then getting up to get it again a few times. It doesn't do much to help him fall asleep, so around four in the morning, Makoto gets out of bed with a groan and starts pacing around his small apartment to try and calm his racing mind.

He's bumped into Rin a few times since the redhead suddenly showed up in Iwatobi again, and he's clearly gotten the message that Rin doesn't want to resume where they left off. The thing is that Makoto doesn't just want to give it up, not yet. Not until Rin explicitly says what he wants or doesn't want. And until that happens, Makoto's going to keep trying to get Rin back into his life, because he feels like his life isn't working like it should without him in it.

At five, Makoto is lying sprawled out across his couch, and has finally been able to fall asleep somehow. He has to get up in two hours in order to go to work, and he doesn't expect that it'll go too well, but he'll have to manage. Just like every other day, really.

 

* * *

 

He usually visits Haru at the pastry shop during lunch time, and today is no exception. Since he's best friends with one of the employees, Makoto gets a special permit to bring his own lunch and eat it there, which he's thankful for. Eating with coach Sasabe usually ends up with him losing his appetite since his boss tends to drift off to conversational topics that aren't suited to Makoto's weak tastes, so he's glad he can have lunch with someone who knows what you can and  _should_ talk about when you're eating.

... Well, except for maybe today.

"You did  _what?_ " _  
_

"Oh please. Don't tell me you're surprised, you knew I was going to."

Makoto sets his chopsticks down and takes a deep breath. "Okay, maybe. So what'd he say?"

"Not much after that, really. Though if I were you, I'd expect something to happen within the next few days or so."

Frowning, Makoto looks down into his bento, which is still half full. He doesn't feel like eating anymore now that Haru's dropped a bomb like this on him. He doesn't really know what to do with the information, either. Showing up unannounced on Rin's doorstep isn't going to be a welcome gesture, and it's most definitely going to just make things worse between them. As if things weren't already bad enough.

"I wish you would've at least let me know beforehand, or just... not done anything at all. I'm sure he's really mad with me now."

"Well, I can't just sit and watch this happen. You're my best friend, and Rin is one of my best friends, too. I want the best for you, and if I can help to make it happen, I will. Especially since neither one of you seem able to do so."

Haru goes silent, and Makoto's speechless at his best friend's words. It's not often Haru forms long sentences as he's usually the quiet type who prefers to rather listen than to talk. Haru talking about emotional things is something of a far less often occurrence.

"Do you think it was wrong of me to talk to Rin?" Haru says after a while, long after Makoto's bento has gone cold and is probably inedible if he were to decide to eat the rest of it. Haru's voice has turned apologetic, and Makoto feels bad.

He sighs and shakes his head. "No. Maybe it was a good thing. At least I hope so. Do you think Gou talked to him about it, too?"

"Probably, yeah. She's probably not gonna let him off the hook. He hasn't been that good of a brother to her, either, so I'm guessing that might be one of the reasons I think she's not just going to let it end with me talking to him."

"I guess you're right."

He wants to hope that Haruka is right, too, but Makoto is afraid of getting his hopes up in case they'll be crushed by Rin. The redhead used to be pretty difficult to approach emotionally back in the day, before they'd done their 'divine intervention' with Rei's help, and it seems like he's gone back to the same state as before. The reason why is one Makoto doesn't expect he'll ever hear about, and he doesn't think anyone else will, either.

 

* * *

 

When his days are nothing but a repeating cycle of working at the swim club and the beach shop without anything else happening to maybe change things up a bit, Makoto really feels the sadness of not having been able to move to Tokyo. Well, he  _could_ have, but he wouldn't be studying there, that's for sure. He's not sure if he'd be able to get a job there, and whatever job he'd get, it probably wouldn't be one he would fully enjoy. That's the good thing about living in a town like Iwatobi, where he's close to water and the beach pretty much wherever he goes.

But maybe a change of scenery and surroundings would've been good for him, and maybe he'd eventually learn to like whatever job he managed to get a hold of. He'd at least like to go to Tokyo, to see what the huge capital has to offer and what it's like compared to the town where he was born and has lived in ever since. He doesn't even know if he's a city person, whether or not he'd get stressed out by the constant bustle and everything going on around him.

 _Maybe that's why Rin left Australia_.

He leaves work just after half past five, having closed up shop. The sun is still pretty high in the sky, but it's evident that it's about to start going down soon. People are going home from work and there are lots of them walking about the streets when Makoto's making his way back to the apartment. Despite work having made him tired, he feels like going for a run and wonders if maybe Haruka will join him if he hasn't been swimming all day.

 **You** :  _I was thinking of going for a run before dinner. Are you back home, and do you want to join me?_

 

He puts his phone back into his pocket before he unlocks the door to his apartment and goes inside. Some days he finds himself being surprised when it's empty, but then he remembers that he isn't living with his parents and siblings anymore. Some days, it can get almost too quiet in that regard, considering the fact that he's lived all his life with four other people under the same roof, with limited privacy. Now he's got too much of it and he still doesn't know if he likes it.

Sometimes he does, though; it's nice being able to just sit down with a book or watch TV without having people interrupt him and want to change the channel. But then as he's turned the TV off and prepares to go to bed, the silence is almost deafening and it makes him restless. It would've been nice to live with someone else, but he doesn't know  _who_ he'd live with. Obviously Haru's out of the question as he's living with Sousuke, Rei has moved to America to study biology, Nagisa's living at his university's halls of residence... His options are pretty much down to zero, so that's why he's stuck living alone.

But now that Rin's back in town and still lives at his mother's house, maybe he'd be up for it after some convincing? Makoto's apartment might be small, but he definitely has enough room for another person to live there. Especially someone like Rin who doesn't make a mess after himself and doesn't keep a lot of stuff around. Talking the redhead into it is going to be a very difficult task, but Makoto doesn't want to give up before he's even tried.

He receives a text message just as he's about to go and get changed, and doesn't even have to check to know it's Haru.

 **Haru** :  _Sure, sounds like a good idea. Meet me by the usual spot in five_.

 

Makoto gets into his usual training clothes, which consists of just a t-shirt, a pair of sweatpants and his jogging shoes. Jogging before dinner is always a good idea since he works up an appetite and can shower before eating as well, not having to do it after dinner.

Their usual meeting spot when going out jogging is just down the street from Haru's and Makoto's family's house. It's not too far for him to get there even with him not living at home anymore, and while Haru had suggested several times before that they change their meeting place, Makoto insisted it was fine and that they should just keep it as is. He doesn't mind it since he's going out jogging anyway, and walking just a few minutes extra isn't too much effort for him.

Haru's already there when Makoto arrives, and acknowledges him with a simple nod before they start jogging. They take the usual route down by the shore and up through town, talking all the while doing so.

"Listen, I was thinking about something earlier", Makoto says when they've been quiet for a while. "I know you might not like the idea, but it might help in some way. I was thinking of maybe trying to talk Rin into moving in with me."

Haru turns to look at him with disbelief colouring his facial features, an eyebrow raised. "How would you do that?"

"I don't know, talk to him, obviously. I just figured since he's living with Gou and their mother, and... well, you know how Rin is."

"I do, but I don't think you'll be able to convince him to live with you. Think about it; you have history with him."

They take a turn and run up into town where there aren't too many people around anymore. The sun is setting, creating an orange-pink sky over their heads and a soft light that isn't too bright and blaring in their faces.

Makoto sighs. "I know that, but I won't know that he'll completely refuse unless I ask. I just want to start over, really. I don't care if he won't tell me what happened in Australia, I just want to be with him again. Even if we can't go back to the way things used to be, I still want him in my life."

"How can you _not_ care whether or not he tells you what happened in Australia? He owes us all an explanation of it, and you know why. Whatever, don't say I didn't warn you. I just don't want you to get hurt again by choosing to chase a guy who clearly needs to sort things out with himself before he involves himself with others."

Haru and Makoto drop the subject there, but Makoto doesn't feel like trying to come up with something else to say, so they end up jogging the rest of their route in silence. It takes them about fifteen more minutes after they stopped talking before they get close to where they first met that evening. They stand around awkwardly for a few seconds before Makoto dares speaking up again.

"Haru... I know you're only looking out for my best, and I really appreciate that. But I really want to do this. And if I end up getting hurt, I'll only have myself to blame and I won't come to you for advice or anything. I know it won't be easy, but I think it might be best for everyone, and I'm not saying that because I'm selfish. Well, maybe a little, but—"

"I get it", Haru interrupts. "And yes, if it works, it could be beneficial for everyone. I'm just saying I don't think it  _will_ work, and I don't want you to get your hopes up that it will. He's already hurt you far too many times for me to just stand by and say that it's okay as your best friend, and I don't want to see it happen again. You're too good of a person, and even if Rin might not consciously take advantage of that, he still is, and it pisses me off."

Makoto steps closer and puts his arms around Haru, who immediately starts squirming about. "Get off, we're both sweaty."

He laughs and separates himself from his best friend. "Sorry, I just wanted to show you how glad I am you're willing to put up with me."

"You told me that before, you know."

"Yeah, sorry." He knows that even if Haru doesn't outright say it, Haru is almost equally as appreciative of Makoto as he is of Haru. It took Makoto a long time to realise it since he doesn't have the best self-confidence, but now that he's able to admit and realise it, it's more than obvious in the way Haru acts and just generally cares about his friends and close ones.

 

* * *

 

 **You** :  _I know you're not too keen on seeing anyone, but I have something I'd like to ask you. Don't worry, it's nothing bad. Well, that depends on how you see it, I personally think it'd be a good idea. Anyway, call me when you can_.

 

Makoto sighs exasperatedly and lies down on his bed. It's a rainy Saturday, so he doesn't have the energy to do anything today, let alone go outside. Luckily he doesn't work on weekends, so it's not like he's skipping work, and he can spend time inside all day if he so wants to. But that's the thing, he doesn't want to.

When his phone suddenly rings next to him, Makoto nearly jumps off his bed. With a racing heartbeat, he picks it up and sees that it's Rin calling him. He takes a deep breath before answering.

"Hello?"

" _You called earlier, and then left a message. What's so important that you have to talk about it now?_ "

He looks at the alarm clock on the nightstand to his side, showing that it's just past two in the afternoon. "Well... maybe we can't meet because of the weather, so it's probably better to take it over the phone. Er, I wanted to ask if maybe you'd want to move in with me?"

" _Huh?!_ "

Rin's reaction was to be expected, so much that Makoto held his phone away from his ear before he heard Rin scream. He puts it back to his ear when Rin's stopped his yelling. "I know it was a suggestion that came out of the blue, but just hear me out. I think it could benefit the both of us; you, because your mother probably doesn't like you living there again, does she?"

There's silence on the other end for a few seconds, and Makoto wonders if Rin might've hung up, but then there's a murmur heard. " _Nah, she's pretty pissed. Of course she is. So, what?_ "

"And I don't like living alone, because it's too quiet and it's driving me crazy. So if you'd come live with me—"

" _Makoto, I know what you're doing. Just stop, okay?_ "

His chest hurts, but he's not going to give up here. If Rin has come back to Iwatobi and is back in his life, then why should Makoto just give him up like that? Unless Rin explicitly says that he doesn't want anything to do with Makoto anymore, Makoto doesn't see why he should give up just yet.

"I'm not going to stop", he says quietly. "I'm not saying I want you to tell me everything, I'm just suggesting that you come live with me. And that's just not me being selfish" — though secretly, a tiny percentage of it actually  _is_ him being selfish — "it's because I think it'd be good for us both."

" _Even if I were to live with you, I don't have a way of paying rent or anything. I don't have a job._ "

"I can help you with that, if you'd let me. There's probably a way to squeeze you in at the beach shop. Or maybe Haru's pastry shop?"

Rin snorts. " _I'm not going to work with Haru. Why are you doing this?_ "

"What do you mean?"

" _Why are you so intent on trying to help me, staying in contact with me, after all this time?_ "

Makoto bites his lower lip and sighs through his nose. "Because I don't want to lose you."

" _You sound like you think I'm going to die or something. I'm here, aren't I? That's good enough._ "

"That's not true, and you know it. Can you at least tell me if it's something I've done?"

" _You haven't done anything! Jeez, why do you always have to assume the worst?_ " _  
_

"Then why are you treating me like I've done something wrong?"

Rin goes silent again, and this time, Makoto fully expects him to hang up. He probably crossed a line, but he doesn't regret what he said and asked. This whole thing with Rin being mysterious and avoiding them is starting to get on his nerves; why did Rin decide to come back to Iwatobi if he didn't expect to run into his old friends? He should've known this was bound to happen, and that's why Makoto has to stand his ground, tell Rin that this isn't okay and that they deserve some answers.

" _I'm coming over. Doing this over the phone is dumb and makes me feel handicapped since I can't do anything but talk or listen. Don't assume anything, and don't you dare tell Haru or Sousuke_."

He does hang up, but Makoto still feels a little hopeful. He doesn't understand what Rin meant by saying that he could 'only talk and listen over the phone', but he doesn't think it means Rin wants to hit him or anything like that. Rin likes to gesture with his hands and use his facial expressions to convey what he has to say, so maybe that's what he meant. Makoto has to agree that it definitely helps to speak face-to-face, and that telephone conversations can be quite limiting.

A little jittery and not being able to sit still, Makoto start pacing around his apartment with his heart in his throat. He definitely wasn't prepared for Rin to come over; he thought they'd at least set a time and date for when they'd meet up and talk about this properly. He knows that such a decision couldn't be made over the phone, especially with someone like Rin, but this was way off his expectations.

He doesn't know what he's going to say once Rin  _does_ come over. Does he greet him normally? How would he initiate the conversation on said topic? He has a history of being awkward when trying to start talking about some things, and he knows that this is one of those subjects. And with Rin, of all people — Rin who hasn't been in Iwatobi for over a year and a half and whom he'd separated from on bad terms. He's glad that their first encounter didn't turn out too badly, and that the possibility of them at least becoming friends again seems... well, at least it's there. It's better than nothing, he concludes, just as he hears some strange noises going on outside his apartment.

Walking up to the door, he hears voices, and his heart stops when he recognises them.

"... didn't you tell me you were back?! And what the _fuck_ are you doing outside Makoto's apartment?"

"Sousuke, stop! This isn't going to help!"

"Shut up and stay the fuck out of it, this has nothing to do with you!"

Makoto freezes in place, and only seconds later, there's a harsh rap on his door.

"Makoto, open up!"

It's Haru, and his voice is filled with panic, which is very unlike him. Makoto is aware of what's probably going on out there, but he can't move. He's scared of what Sousuke might do; he knows Sousuke can flare up pretty bad if he's pissed off about something. And this time, he has a reason to. Rin probably has a reason for not having contacted any of them since he came back, but that doesn't mean he's in the right, either.

Finally finding it in him to move, Makoto walks towards the door and opens up. Haru stands outside and immediately yanks him out while he's still barefoot. "What  _took_ you so long?! Your apartment isn't so big that it takes you minutes to open your door!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry", he says and looks over Haru's shoulder, where Sousuke and Rin are now on the ground, Sousuke sitting on top of Rin, his hands fisted in the other's t-shirt. Makoto and Haruka run over to them, and for a second, Makoto wonders how in the world he's supposed to break these two up. Sousuke is far stronger than he is, so he doubts he'll be able to do anything to even make Sousuke budge. But that doesn't mean he won't try.

"Sousuke, please stop! We can solve this some other w—"

"What the fuck do you know about that?! This idiot was supposed to be my best friend and he couldn't even tell me he came back to Iwatobi. He's a fucking coward, that's what he is!"

Rin stays silent and just glares to the side. Makoto notices a red mark on his left cheekbone where he suspects Sousuke hit him, and his nose is bleeding, too. He hopes that it's not broken, and he cautiously walks closer. Thankfully, Sousuke's not currently throwing any more punches, so he feels like maybe it's somewhat safe to approach them.

"Can't we take this inside, at least? I don't wanna sound selfish, but I think I'll get evicted if this happens right outside my apartment. And I don't mean that you can continue fighting in my apartment — we should talk about things instead of fighting. Please?"

Sousuke looks dumbfounded, and his grip on Rin's t-shirt loosens. "Sorry, Makoto... I didn't think about that."

The two of them get up from the ground, and Makoto quickly makes it over to Rin's side. He's just about to offer support when Rin swats away his hand like a fly. "Don't."

He holds his hands up in a peace-offering gesture and just lets Rin walk inside on his own. He has yet to ask why Sousuke and Haru are there in the first place, but figures it can wait until after they've talked things out. While he knows that a confrontation with Sousuke was inevitable for Rin, he hadn't expected all four of them to have the talk together. He doesn't know if Rin's going to try and make a run for it, but if he does, he's pretty sure it'll be impossible for Rin to actually escape.


	6. 五

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin has been cornered by his three closest friends, and all he can do at this point is talk.

_Makoto_.

 

With reluctance, Rin lets Makoto clean and patch him up in the bathroom while Haru and Sousuke wait for them in the living room. They don't say anything, and the only things being uttered are the occasional cuss words coming out of Rin's mouth as Makoto uses the saline-drenched cloth on his cheek. The wound isn't too bad, but Makoto's pretty sure it at least stings a little, and he wants to make things as pain-free as possible for the redhead. Rin has a piece of cotton in his left nostril and he looks kind of cute that way, but Makoto doesn't say anything. He's glad he can at least sit and discreetly look at Rin, and he doesn't want to push his luck, either.

When he's done, Makoto closes the first aid kit and puts it back in his medicine cabinet. He got the first aid kit from his parents not too long after he'd moved out, their explanation being that "while he isn't normally clumsy, accidents do happen and it's a good thing to have one of these around". He thinks they got it for him because they're afraid he'll have an accident in the kitchen or something — which probably isn't too unlikely since he's still not very good at cooking.

"Does it still hurt?" he asks Rin, who's sitting on the edge of the bath tub with a frown on his face.

"Not so much."

"I'm glad. Are you... ready to go out there and face them?"

Rin groans and puts his face in his hands. "Why don't you have a window in here so I could jump out?"

"Why do you always have to run away?"

The words leaving Makoto's mouth surprise him, and when Rin looks up at him with almost the equal amount of surprise as he feels, he wants to just sink through the floor and not exist for a while. While it is what he wanted to ask and has wanted to ask for a while, he didn't intend for those words to come out as harsh as they did.

"Sorry", Makoto mutters and turns around. "I know you don't wanna talk about it. I'm going out there, come out whenever you're—"

"I'm sorry", he hears behind him, but it's so faint he would've easily missed it had he only spoken a little louder. He doesn't dare turn around again, but he waits for Rin to continue. "I want to tell you, but I can't. I'm... I'm not ready to."

Makoto holds back a sigh and grabs the door handle. "It's fine."

 

* * *

 

When he comes back out into the living room, Haruka is sitting by the kotatsu with Sousuke's head in his lap, stroking his hair. Sousuke almost looks like he's asleep at first, but when Makoto comes closer, he sees that he's staring up at the ceiling, very much awake. He has his right hand on his chest with a little bag of ice resting on top of his knuckles, and Makoto figures Haru has helped himself in the kitchen to tend to Sousuke's sore hand.

"Hey", he says and sits down.

"What happened to Shark-teeth?" Haru asks, and Makoto shrugs.

"I told him to come out when he's ready. He doesn't really have anywhere to escape in there, though he asked me why I don't have a window in there, so I'm guessing he would've tried if I had one."

"Fucking idiot", Sousuke mutters, but he doesn't say anything else.

Makoto finally exhales the sigh he's held in for what feels like an hour but is more realistically just two minutes or so. It's a shaky sigh that releases more than he was prepared for, and he finds himself now shaking and on the verge of tears.

"Makoto? Hey, Makoto, are you okay?"

He hears Haru call out to him with worry in his voice, but he doesn't respond. Rather, he  _can't_ , because there's a lump in his throat that prevents any sound from coming out apart from sobs. Soon enough, he's full-out crying, and he immediately hides his face in his hands. Makoto rarely cries, but he's been more prone to it since Rin left. Not that it's happened a lot, this is the first time in a while, and he doesn't even know why he's crying. Maybe it's because his limit has finally been reached, he's unable to hold it in anymore and has to let it out.

The door to the bathroom opens, and the air immediately feels heavy, despite Makoto not being able to see what's going on around him. He doesn't want to, either, because he knows that what's going to happen isn't going to be pretty. He hates confrontations with a passion, whether they're directed towards him or him having to partake in one against someone else.

"So you finally decided to come out." Sousuke's voice is dripping with venom, but Makoto knows he's not going to do anything besides fire off snarky or rude comments, because Haru's there to hold him back.

He doesn't dare look up, but he feels when Rin sits down on the vacant end of the kotatsu table, and the soft groan from Sousuke tells Makoto he's sat himself up again. The silence in the room is making the air around them feel thick, and Makoto feels like it's even more difficult to breathe. He stubbornly looks down at his knees, refusing to look up and meet either one of the other men's eyes. His best alternative would be Sousuke, but knowing whom Sousuke's probably glaring at right now wouldn't make it better in the end.

For a split second, Makoto wonders if letting Rin come over was such a good idea in the end. And why are Haru and Sousuke there? It's all such a weird and cruel coincidence, and he both wishes that the other two hadn't come, while also being thankful that they're here. Well, had they not shown up, Rin's and Makoto's conversation would've probably only been about his suggestion that Rin were to move in with him, but now that they're all gathered here after a fight between two — hopefully not former — best friends, the conversation is most definitely going to be about a whole lot of other things that Makoto doesn't know if he's prepared to talk about or not.

"So, what the hell are you sitting there being silent for? Talk. Why the fuck are you back in Iwatobi and why didn't you tell me?"

"He didn't tell us, either", Haru mutters.

"Wait. So you found out and _still_ didn't tell me?!"

Makoto winces at Sousuke raising the volume of his voice.  _This is going to be ugly_ , he thinks. He hopes that it doesn't cause such a big conflict between Sousuke and Haru that it creates problems with their relationship. He wouldn't be able to take it, he'd be partly to blame for it, too.

"Yeah... we just didn't want to tell you. In case this would happen", Haru says, and Makoto holds his breath for what's inevitably about to come and probably make him flinch again. He's got a lot of respect for Sousuke; being yelled at by him is something Makoto hopes he'll never have to experience. Sousuke's loud voice has the power to turn a horde of angry buffaloes around and run in the other direction.

"But he's supposed to be my  _best friend_ , Haruka! Apparently that's one-sided, I've found out. And I can't believe you would keep that from me because you thought I'd beat him up."

"Didn't you, though?"

Makoto envies Haru's courage, being able to stand up to Sousuke when he's fuming with anger. Maybe that's because he knows Sousuke wouldn't hurt him, and that he gets a free pass because they're dating. Well, to be fair, Makoto's pretty sure Sousuke wouldn't hit  _him_  either — but he doesn't know if Sousuke would still be as lenient with him as he's with Haruka, despite them having become pretty good friends in the past year and a half.

"I did, but that's only because I had to find out this way, and no one told me he was back!"

"I'm right here, you know", Rin finally mutters.

"Then say something instead of being a fucking coward and shutting up!"

Makoto sighs and collects himself before he wipes the tears still on his face and looks up to join in on the conversation. This confrontation was inevitable, really, and it would've happened regardless of whether Sousuke and Haru came over on a surprise visit. It's only fair, really, especially on Sousuke who hadn't even seen Rin since he came back from Australia, while Haru and Makoto have.

"I didn't want to tell you I came back because I didn't want you to be disappointed in me", Rin begins. "I couldn't do that to you, of all people. You supported me when I said I wanted to go, and I... I didn't want to disappoint you. So I didn't tell you I came back. I didn't tell anyone else, either, they just... kinda found out. Of course they would, and I'm sure you would have sooner or later, since I'm in Iwatobi."

Sousuke glares at Rin for a second, but then closes his eyes with an exasperated sigh and massages the bridge of his nose. "So why  _are_  you back? Can you at least tell me that? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad to see you — but I thought you'd be back by Christmas or something, if you even  _were_  to come back, then."

The room goes silent again, and Makoto thinks that they're going to fight again because Rin won't tell them why he's back. Haru doesn't know, and Makoto doesn't know, either. He hadn't expected them to ever find out, but knowing that Rin probably can't hold things away from Sousuke for too long, maybe he'll actually tell them.

"Some things happened, and I dropped out of university. Australia isn't the same place it was when I was younger... I thought I could go there to... escape my problems, but I was wrong. I felt trapped there."

"Your _problems_? You mean here? So why would you come back to a place where your problems originated?" Sousuke asks, sarcasm evident in his voice.

"Because I don't have anywhere else to go! Wherever I go, I cause trouble not only for myself but for others, too! I can't afford to move to another place now that my entire budget was blown in Australia, and Iwatobi is the only place I can go after that."

"Then you should've just told us from the start, and things would've been a lot easier. You could've just moved in with Makoto, and things would be good."

Makoto flinches again, and the feeling of wanting to sink through the floor resurfaces. He looks down at his clenched fists and tries to calm his racing heartbeat with deep breaths. This is what Makoto and Rin were originally going to talk about — the two of them possibly becoming flatmates. But he's slowly realising that Rin's reason for being reluctant about moving in with him is one he might not want to hear, and might be part of the reason why Rin left in the first place.

 _He's_  partly the reason.

"Well? Say something."

"You know, you can't really blame me for not contacting you about this", Rin says. "You did the same thing once, remember? When I came back from Australia, and you'd started rehabilitating your shoulder. You told me so yourself, you didn't want me to see you in that condition."

"But that's different!"

"How? If I hadn't dragged it out of you, I wouldn't have found out the entire truth. I would've just been left with a suspicion that something was up with your shoulder, but I would never know anything past that. Don't say that's not true, because I know you wouldn't tell me."

Makoto hears someone click their tongue, and he assumes it's Sousuke. He doesn't know enough to make a proper judgement, but from what he does know, their situations are pretty similar. Even so, that doesn't mean that either one of them did the right thing by not letting their best friend know that they were back in town.

"Sousuke, I think we should let them talk alone", Haru says softly. Makoto looks up at his childhood friend, who gives him nothing but a nod, not even offering a reassuring smile. He feels like he's going to pass out because he's so nervous, and clenches his fists harder, so hard that his nails dig into his palms, creating small crescent moons.

"Whatever. But we're not done here. I still have questions I need answers to", Sousuke growls before the two of them get up from the floor and walk out into the hallway. Makoto discreetly glances at Rin to his left, who's looking everything but happy. The discussion is far from over, and Makoto isn't looking forward to continuing it alone with Rin.

"Makoto. Text me when the two of you are done; we'll be waiting in the park or something."

"Uh-huh", Makoto manages to say in response, but he still doesn't look up, hoping that Haru understands.

The door closes behind Sousuke and Haru, and Makoto lets out a shaky sigh. He feels like he's going to cry again, but fights the urge. This isn't the time to make things about him, this is about Rin and him deciding on whether to take up on Makoto's offer or decline it. At this point, Makoto almost expects him to say no, considering how it's going right now. Maybe it would be for the best, not only for Rin but for himself, too. For them to just forget about the fact that they used to have a relationship, and just go back to being friends.

But is that really something the two of them can do after all they've been through?

"This is one of the many reasons why I didn't want to let you know. I knew I'd only make you sad again, but... fuck, I didn't expect you to cry. I haven't seen you cry since we were kids, and I don't know how to—"

"It's fine", Makoto lies, and Rin immediately glares daggers at him.

"Stop saying it's fine when it's clearly not! You've always done that, always lied through your teeth and said it's fine when everyone around you knows it's the opposite... just be fucking honest for once! I want you to tell me how you really feel! I mean, obviously it's bad since I made you  _cry_ , and you can't say it's nothing, that it's 'fine'."

Makoto bites his lower lip in hesitation before he sighs through his nose. This is what's going to either make it or break it. And 'it' being their relationship. He wants to think that he doesn't have anything to lose now, but in reality — he does. He's got everything to lose, and he's terrified of it.

"Fine. I'm really happy that you're back, but it hurts to know you're not as happy as I am about that. I really want for us to go back to the way things were before, and I was sort of hoping that by you moving in with me, that would speed up the process. Because I can't stand being without you, and I hated it when you left. That's why I'm so glad you're here again, and I feel selfish and disgusting for finding something positive in it when the reason you're back isn't a positive one. I still love you, and I want to be with you. I don't even know if we're together anymore, either, and it kills me not knowing. But I can't force it out of you, because if I try, you're just going to run away again."

He goes silent and stares down at his hands again. Makoto's exhausted; he feels like he's talked for well over an hour when it was really just a minute or so. In a way, he's relieved, because he finally got to say those things he's wanted to say ever since he found out Rin had come back home. Well, Makoto would want for Rin's home to be with him, but that's just another far-fetched dream of his.

"I finally got it out of you", Rin mumbles, and Makoto looks at him in surprise.

"What?"

"The truth."

"Oh. Yeah... I guess. So... are you going to tell  _me_  the truth? Or is that still impossible?"

Now it's Rin's turn to look away, and Makoto knows he's out of luck. Of course it's not going to be this easy to get it out of Rin; if it's something that caused him to come back home despite having been so intent on leaving, it has to be a pretty serious thing that isn't so easy to talk about.

"I didn't... want to let you know I came back... because I didn't want you to get your hopes up." His words are coming out slowly, almost one by one, and Makoto can see clearly how difficult it is for Rin to talk about it. He almost wants to tell Rin that he doesn't need to hear more, but he  _does_ need to, because at this point, he still doesn't know anything. He doesn't know why Rin's back, why he avoided him, if they're still together... he doesn't know a thing.

"I can't let myself make you go through the same thing again, make you have to be together with an idiot like myself. I don't have my life together, and I don't want to drag you down into that mess if I can help it. It's best if you're not with me... and that's why I tried to avoid you. Didn't take long before we bumped into each other, anyway, but I guess that's to be expected", he finishes with a bitter laugh.

"You say you don't want to bring me down, and if I gave you the impression that that's all you did when we... when we were together, then I'm sorry. Because I was the happiest I'd ever been back then. I mean, yes, we fought — but everyone does. No one's perfect. Even so, I'd... give everything to have you back. To have my Rin back."

The last words are spoken with great difficulty, and the lump in his throat comes back. He'd tried his best to not use words that were directly related with love and people in relationships. Because he doesn't know if they're still in one, seeing as they never officially broke up. And he doesn't want to remind Rin of that, but he knows he has to, to either end things for good or maybe start over.

Makoto swallows hard and looks down again, too scared to meet Rin's eyes. "I don't know what we are, but all I know is that I want things to be at least somewhat like they were before you left. Because I'm not whole without you, and I can't function properly. It's even more difficult now that Haru's with Sousuke and doesn't have as much time to spend with me anymore, Nagisa's always busy, and I can't talk to Rei as often, either. I feel pathetic, because for all the time I spent helping others, I've always wanted someone to support and hold me up, too. And that's when we started hanging out more, and... yeah."

"I don't feel like I was that much help, though", Rin mutters, but Makoto shakes his head.

"You were, but you probably don't realise it. Whenever I felt like I was crumbling apart, you were there to hold me up and support me. And I was glad for that. And as much as we fought near... the end, your l-love and support meant everything to me."

He doesn't want to say more, no, he doesn't  _dare_ say anything more. It's like walking on a mine field; one step wrong and you could be done for. He's so scared, terrified, of losing Rin right now, and he feels like he's really close to doing so. He doesn't want to believe that Rin has given up on them, but it feels like he has, and it hurts. Rin used to be the one to always do his best and try hard not only once before considering giving up. He wants Rin to give their relationship another chance, for them to try again to make things work.

"But I'm scared", Rin finally says after a moment of silence. "I screwed up once and I could probably do it again. No matter how hard I try  _not_ to, I always manage to do it again. I don't want that for you. You deserve someone who doesn't bring you down all the time like I did, and probably still do."

Makoto shakes his head. "Didn't you listen to a word what I just said? You were the biggest support I had, whenever I felt down or something, all I needed was to just be around you, to know that you were there, and that would immediately make me feel better. It sounds cheesy, but it really did. And even if you were to screw up, we'd fix it. I don't want to give up, and I'd do everything it takes to set things straight again. If only you'd let me."

"Fine, okay, I give up. I've warned you, though."

This time, Makoto looks up, and his eyes widen with surprise. "What... do you mean?"

Rin frowns and averts his gaze. "We can try again. I still don't get why you're so stubborn, wanting to stick with me after all I've done, but... I can't say I don't want this, because I do. So I'll trust you, and then blame you if things go horribly wrong again if I mess up."

Makoto laughs, but it sounds like everything but a laugh; it's a weird kind of relieved, post-crying kind of laugh. "I can work with that. Thank you, Rin."

The redhead rubs his neck with his left hand, looks away and frowns. "Yeah."


	7. 六

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke presses Rin for answers, and the other starts to finally open up a little. Makoto's hard work and immense amount of patience finally pays off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr as [popnographic](http://popnographic.tk/)!

_Rin_.

 

Maybe he's made a mistake. Maybe it's a bad idea letting Makoto back into his life again. Rin had tried with all his might to try and keep him out, but Makoto just wouldn't give up. Strangely enough, it doesn't surprise Rin — Makoto's always been like that. Stubborn, gentle, kind...  _perfect_.

 _Too good for someone like me_.

When they've finished talking — but miraculously avoided the cohabitation subject — they go back out into the living room. Makoto calls Haru to bring the other two back, and Rin knows that this is just the checkpoint in the middle of this battle that won't seem to end. He prepares for Sousuke to yell at him, to tell him how much of a coward he is for having run away from his problems rather than to confront him. It's ironic how instead of becoming free of them once he came to Australia, it only seemed to invite more trouble for him. Guess it showed all over him that he wasn't the most mentally stable person, and that's what made people quickly realise how easy of a target he was.

Sousuke and Haru come back, and while Rin doesn't look up to face either of them, he feels the daggers Sousuke's glaring at him as the two of them sit down on the opposite side of Makoto's kotatsu. Makoto sits on his left side, and Rin is somewhat thankful that he hasn't sat down right next to him just because they made a decision to try and restart their relationship. It's not that easy, and Rin hopes that this is why Makoto's still keeping some distance, that he understands it.

"I never got to hear the reason as to why the two of you came over in the first place", Makoto begins. "It's... quite a coincidence."

"Sousuke thought it was a good idea that we'd go over and surprise visit you. To just hang out."

Of course it was Sousuke's idea. Sometimes, it feels like Sousuke has some creepy Rin-radar that tells him where Rin is and at what moment. Sometimes, however, that thing doesn't seem to work. Otherwise he would've found out a while ago that Rin had come back to Iwatobi, and Rin is glad that he didn't find out sooner.

"We felt bad, because we always drag you over whenever we hang out", Sousuke fills in. "Why, are you saying it was bad of us to come over? Because Rin was coming, too? Would you want to keep this from me any—"

"Sousuke."

Haru's voice is stern, and it shut Sousuke up. Rin is amazed by just how much Haru's changed in the past year and a half; how he's somehow gone from being this quiet, grumpy kid to a more expressive and mature man. It's not that Haru's never cared about those close to him before and that this is new — he's always been like that, but in a quiet way. Now he's being more vocal about it, in addition to showing his affection for people, and it's quite interesting to see.

Though Rin would've preferred to see it under different circumstances, but here they are. In Makoto's living room, after Sousuke gave Rin a nosebleed and a punch to his cheekbone. Well, it's not that Rin didn't deserve it — of course he did. He held his return secret from his best friend, and in all honesty, he would've kept it for as long as he could. Even though they _are_ living in the same town now, Rin wishes he still would've been able to at least keep things secret from Sousuke, even if they were to eventually meet under different circumstances.

"That's not what I meant", Makoto says in a voice so low it's barely audible. "I didn't want to hide this from you, Sousuke. I was just doing as I was told."

Rin feels guilt hit him in the chest like a sharp dagger, and he knows Haruka has to be feeling the same. Both of them had told Makoto not to tell Sousuke, and while Haruka had made the conscious decision himself not to tell Sousuke, Rin knows that Makoto would want to, since it'd be 'the right thing to do'. In a way, it probably was, but thinking about it like that makes Rin once again think about how Sousuke had made the decision not to tell him he was back, when Rin had returned from Australia during winter break all those years ago. They've both made the same mistake, and that makes Rin think that maybe his best friend's anger is a little misplaced, even though in a way maybe it isn't.

"I know, Makoto. I'm not blaming you", Sousuke says, and sighs. "Anyway, I'm tired of this. Are we still forbidden to see you? Am I supposed to act like you're not back?"

Looking up, Rin knows the question's aimed at him. He shrugs. "No point in that now, is there? I just didn't want to tell you since I knew how you'd react."

 

_"Why didn't you tell me?!"_

_"Because I knew you'd cry."_

 

Memories of the day when Rin confronted Sousuke about his shoulder injury come flashing back to him, and he flinches. Sousuke isn't one to cry, unlike Rin — despite always trying his best not to, but also always failing. He's got a short fuse, but he rarely resorts to violence, so Rin knows that this time, the dark-haired man had been proper mad with him. And for a good reason.

"Yeah, I suppose. We know each other far too well, don't we?"

Rin wonders if this is where he's supposed to laugh, but he doesn't feel like it. Instead, he smiles stiffly, almost ironically, and Sousuke gets up from his pillow on the floor.

"I think we're done here. For now. I still expect to hear a better and more detailed explanation as to why you're here. But..." Sousuke adds, and he looks away with a frown, "if... if you need a job or something, I could probably talk to Dad. He can probably fix you in at the company somehow. So... let me know. Because I know you're not going to attend university or anything here."

Haru gets up from the floor as well, and Rin meets his gaze. "Don't be a stranger", he says, and it sounds more like a warning than anything. Rin nods slowly.

"Yeah", is all he manages to say, and after the two have said goodbye to Makoto (in a nicer and slightly more enthusiastic manner than they did to Rin, understandably so), Haru and Sousuke exit the apartment. Makoto locks the door behind them and sits down in front of Rin, taking the spot Sousuke had just left. Rin thinks it's just because sitting next to each other now that it's just the two of them would be weird, but he also senses that there might something else behind the gesture.

He clears his throat. "That was... quite something."

"It was."

The silence that follows unnerves Rin, and he wonders if Makoto might still be a little apprehensive around him. In a way, he thinks it might be a good idea, but that'd mean he'd eventually have to regret his decision of wanting to try and restart his relationship with Makoto. And Rin isn't too sure if he'd have the mental strength to do so without crying like he always does when he gets emotional.

"Listen, Makoto... I want to be with you. I do. But I'm really fucking scared."

"Why?" Makoto asks, and of course he would, because Makoto wouldn't just say 'okay' and leave it at that. Rin exhales slowly.

"Because it's when I have something that I can  _lose_ it, too. And I don't want to risk losing you."

"But you wouldn't lose me. I wouldn't let it just end without trying again and again to fix things, because you mean too much for me to just give up that easily."

Makoto's words create a strange feeling in Rin's chest. It's some sort of tightness that makes it a little difficult for him to breathe, but this time, it's been caused by kindness, and not something of the opposite.

"You can't say that until it actually happens", Rin mumbles.

"Why are you so sure it  _will_ happen?" _  
_

"Because it always does. I always screw up with people I'm close to. Remember back when Haru quit swimming competitively? That was because of me. Remember when Sousuke swam so much and trained so hard that he messed up his shoulder? Also because of me. Don't know about you, but I'm starting to see a pattern, and I don't want it to happen again. Not with you."

"That wasn't because of you at all!" Makoto says in a higher voice that makes Rin flinch. He's not quite screaming, but it's close, and Rin knows he's hit a sensitive point. But why? Is Makoto  _that_ close with Sousuke already? Things really had changed far too much when Rin had been gone, hadn't they? "He swam that much and trained that hard because he wanted to achieve his dream!"

"Yeah, and his dream was to one day stand on the world stage, and that I would be there beside him. Now tell me that  _doesn't_ involve me."

He's aware of how egotistical that sounds, but he doesn't care, because it's exactly how he interpreted it when Sousuke talked to him about this nearly two years ago before they graduated from Samezuka. Sousuke had later told him that his dream had already come true, following him declaring his decision to quit swimming. Rin doesn't quite believe it, because Sousuke wouldn't just give up his dream that easily. He's not one to give up, not Sousuke.

"Maybe it does, but you know what? People's dreams can change. Mine did. Haru's did. Sousuke's did, too. And if they don't, that's fine, too. All I'm saying is that you shouldn't set other people's dreams in stone for them."

"Says you who practically forced Haru into finding his dream", Rin mutters, and he realises just a little too late what it is he's actually saying. These were words he never wanted to say to Makoto, even though they were his innermost and sincere thoughts. Some things were better left unsaid, and this sentence was definitely one of them. He's too scared to look up at Makoto now, and his fears are confirmed when he hears Makoto gasp as he finishes talking.

"You... wow", Makoto says, and then goes silent. Rin really wishes there was a hole that could just materialise under him and swallow him whole, so he wouldn't have to be here anymore. It's just like he told Makoto not too long ago, and like Haru told him all those years ago. He's like a walking tornado, always causing problems and fights with the people who are the closest to him. He doesn't give a flying crap about hurting people he's not close to, but Makoto is someone he can never forgive himself for hurting or upsetting.

He knows he'll have to voice his thoughts sooner or later, though. Since he's agreed to give this thing a try with Makoto again, he knows they'll both have to put all cards on the table, nothing hidden, nothing brushed under the carpet with a fake smile accompanied by a "it's fine". That's one of Makoto's specialties, and Rin hopes that this is one thing he'll be able to change. It's obviously not going to be easy, considering the fact that he's pretty much done it for his entire life, but if Rin can help to make it happen less, he'd be more than glad to.

"Sorry", Rin finally says in a low mumble, but Makoto shakes his head and looks down.

"No, you're right — Haru said the same thing, too. Well, he did on the basis that I hadn't made up my own mind yet, which I had. But you're right. I was trying to force him to try and find his own dream, but that's only because I care about him. Maybe a little too much", he admits, and Rin can only agree. This is one of the things that had Rin originally think that Makoto and Haru would eventually start dating, which was why it was so surprising to him when Makoto told him he liked him, too.

"I had a dream, but I can't fulfil it anymore and it's pissing me off. I've tried, but every time I have, something always tells me I'm either not good enough or that it's an unrealistic dream to have. It shouldn't be, right?"

The words just tumble out on their own, and Rin almost says too much, but thankfully stops himself before he does.

"No, it shouldn't. But at the same time, you can't beat yourself up too much over something you didn't have control over. I don't know much about it, but I'm guessing you didn't exactly end things on your own accord", Makoto guesses.

In a way, he had, and in a way, he hadn't. It was difficult to explain, it was even difficult to put into words in his own head, so he knew trying to tell Makoto about this wouldn't be easy.

"Hey, Rin... about what we talked about earlier... do you want more time to think about it?"

"What?"

Makoto shifts uncomfortably, and when Rin glances in Makoto's direction, he's still looking down, bothered. "About you moving in here. With me."

"Oh", Rin replies slowly. He bites his lower lip in hesitation and balls his hands into fists in his lap. Maybe it  _is_ still too early for him to make a decision. He's scared of jumping into things so soon, but he really does want to be with Makoto. Wants to be near him again, like they used to be. He knows things'll never be like they used to, but he hopes they can make things better. If only he can manage not to fuck things up between them again.

"Do you need more time to—"

"No", Rin says, cutting Makoto off before he changes his mind. "I'll do it. I'll... move in here. I think it'll make both Mum and Gou happy, too." He wants to add that it'd make himself happy, too, but he swallows the words still lingering on his tongue and leaves it at that. Makoto stares at him, wide-eyed, like he finds it hard to believe.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Makoto's face almost lights up with his wide, bright smile, and he lets out a little laugh that makes Rin's heart thump faster in his chest. "I'm glad. When?"

"Whenever, really", Rin says, shrugging, hoping that there isn't a blush on his cheeks right now, as he's feeling his face get hotter. "Tomorrow? I don't have a lot of stuff, so it should be quick."

"Okay! Er, do you need help? To bring stuff here, I mean."

He feels like things might be moving a little too fast, and his first inkling tells him to blow it off and say that he can't do it. But Rin knows that, despite his inner demons constantly disagreeing on things, this is what's probably for the best. Him being with Makoto is the right thing, and he feels like he isn't quite himself if he isn't with the tall, cheery brunet.

Rin clears his throat and looks away, a small crease forming between his eyebrows. "That'd be great, thanks. Come by my house around noon, and I'll buy you lunch as thanks."

"Sounds great. Oh, and Rin?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. I'm glad."

His eyes flicker to Makoto for a second before he gets nervous and looks away again. "Y-yeah", he manages, and Makoto laughs.


	8. 七

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto helps Rin move into his apartment, but has a realisation halfway through that might slow things down, or even take them a step backwards.

_Makoto_.

 

When he wakes up the next morning, Makoto wonders if maybe it was all just a dream. He hopes it wasn't, and decides to check his phone just in case. To his relief, it wasn't a dream; Haru's text messages prove as much. He gets out of bed and starts getting ready to go over to Rin's house, and mentally prepares himself for a possible confrontation by Rin's mother. It's not that he's scared of her or anything, but he really doesn't know what to say in case she starts asking him questions.

After he's had leftovers for brunch, Makoto heads out the door and starts walking towards Rin's house. He's been there to visit a few times in the past year and a half, just to visit Gou and the siblings' mother, but things will certainly be different this time. Hopefully not in a bad way. He knows that Rin's mum's going to be glad to have him out of the house so that he won't just sit around and do nothing, but he still feels bad for 'snatching' Rin away from them.

Gathering some courage by taking a deep breath, Makoto knocks on the door when he's arrived outside. It doesn't take long before he hears footsteps on the other side, and soon enough, Gou opens the door and greets him with a wide smile. "Makoto-senpai! Come in, come in — he's just about done. How are you?"

Makoto goes inside and smiles back at Gou, standing by the door. "I'm doing alright, thank you. And you?"

"Yeah, same here. Just enjoying the weekend while I can, I guess", she says and laughs.

Gou has been working with their mother at her office; what exactly she does is something Makoto doesn't know, but he knows that despite the tough work hours, she does enjoy her job. Much like Nagisa, she hadn't really figured out what she wanted to do after graduation, so she just started working instead. Thinking about that makes Makoto feel a little better about still being here in Iwatobi when he could've been studying at university in Tokyo instead.

"That's good, I've been trying to do the same."

"Not much success there, I'm guessing."

Makoto shakes his head with a smile. "It's fine, really. I'm just glad he's back, that's all."

Gou smiles sadly. "Thank you for talking to him. And... I'm sorry. If I could do something about my brother's stupidity, I would, but I don't know what I  _could_ do about that. You know how he is. I'm not saying we're supposed to accept it, but—"

"It's okay, Gou", Makoto says and pats her on the shoulder. "I might not quite know what I'm getting myself into this time, but all I know is that I want to be with Rin."

"Yeah. I want to say you deserve better, because as he is right now, you do — but... you're good for each other."

Makoto smiles and scratches his chin, a little embarrassed. He might not know what he's getting himself into this time around, but that doesn't mean he's just going to stay away. Rin is far too important to him, and Makoto wants to prove it to him, prove that he's not just going to let himself get shoved away because Rin is scared of making Makoto sad, or saying things that might spark arguments. Makoto knows that this is what relationships are about; working out your problems together and not running away from them.

And although he used to be terrified of confrontations and still is a bit hesitant about them, he knows they're necessary in order to solve things. This time, he wants to do things right. This time, he won't let himself or Rin screw things up between them. He's going to fight for his relationship, and he hopes that in time, Rin will do the same.

The sound of something sliding along the wooden floor reaches Makoto's ears, and soon enough, Rin emerges from the living room, kicking a box in front of him and carrying another. As soon as he sees Makoto by the door, his eyes go wide for less than a microsecond, and he clears his throat. "Hey. Thanks... for coming. And helping out."

"Hi, Rin", Makoto replies, his heart hammering in his chest. "And you're welcome, I'm just glad to help. Is this it?"

He looks at the box Rin's holding and gestures to the one in front of him on the floor, and Rin nods. "Yeah. You think you could take one of these?"

"Of course. I'll talk to you soon, Gou."

 

* * *

 

Makoto and Rin walk the short distance to his apartment in silence. Feeling like he doesn't need to fill the silence right now, Makoto just keeps looking straight ahead and makes sure not to shake the box he's carrying too much in case of fragile items. He has no idea  _what_ exactly Rin's possessions consist of besides clothes and maybe a toothbrush, since whenever Rin stayed over at his old house, that's all he brought with him. Obviously he must've accumulated other things, having lived in Australia and all, but it hits Makoto with how little he actually knows about these things.

When they arrive, Makoto places down his box to fish his keys out of his shorts pocket and unlock the door. He lets Rin walk in first — the redhead mumbling a 'thanks' in doing so — and then they place their boxes onto the living room floor. The already small apartment has suddenly become much smaller, and while Makoto isn't one to usually notice this since he's gotten used to it, he's once again reminded by how small his apartment actually is. At least the bedroom is of an okay size, that's one thing Makoto really likes about it, and what eventually made him rent the apartment.

"Is it okay for me to open this?" he asks Rin who still just stands in the hallway, looking unsure of himself. Rin flinches.

"Huh? Yeah... sure."

"Are you okay?"

Rin snorts and sits down on the floor in front of one of the boxes, beginning to open it. "Sure. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Just asking." Makoto decides to leave it at that and just help Rin unpack his things. He's very well aware that Rin doesn't want to share most things with him, but he hopes that with a little time, understanding and patience, that might change. And he's willing to sacrifice a lot of patience and give Rin a lot of time for it to happen.

Taking on the bathroom, Makoto gives Rin one of the three shelves in his medicine cabinet for his razor, toothbrush and other toiletries, and tells Rin he can start out by using one of the drawers in his chest of drawers. He figures Rin might need more space, but he'll be done in the bathroom before it comes to that, so they'll be able to figure something out then.

The whole thing with Rin moving in with him is equally as exciting as it is nerve-racking. Makoto's still walking on eggshells around Rin, and he doesn't know what he can and shouldn't say or ask. He knows Haru would probably roll his eyes if he were to tell his best friend what he's currently thinking, so he decides to keep it to himself. Makoto's aware that Haru just wants the best for him, but he needs to make his own decisions sometimes, too. And if he ends up regretting it, he only has himself to blame. The optimist within him tells him he won't regret this decision, though, and he hopes it turns out that way in the end, too.

He leaves the bathroom and folds his now empty box. There's just one box left out in the hallway, and it seems Rin still isn't finished in the bedroom. Makoto decides to carry said box into the bedroom and ask his new flatmate what to do with its contents.

When Makoto comes back into the bedroom, Rin is standing by the window, and his arms are wrapped around his middle. When Makoto walks closer, he notices that Rin is trembling.

"Rin? Did something—"

"Bath— bathroom", Rin mumbles before he shuffles past Makoto out of the bedroom. Seconds later, he hears the bathroom door slam shut out in the hallway, and Makoto's eyes widen. He has no idea what just happened, and of course, he doesn't expect Rin to tell him what happened, either. What triggered this reaction? Did he suddenly see or remember something that awakened something within him? As usual, Makoto finds his head being filled with question marks that he doesn't think will get straightened out.

He sits down on his bed and sighs. Maybe this  _is_  a bad idea, after all. Rin doesn't seem ready in any way whatsoever to take such a big step like this, and Makoto feels dumb for even having suggested it so soon. He feels like he should've waited another week or so, at least until Rin properly got used to the idea of being around them all again. The thought makes Makoto get up from the bed again and walk out to the bathroom door.

Makoto knocks gently on it and takes a deep breath. "Rin... I'm sorry. I know things are probably moving forward too fast, and I... I didn't think that it would. I guess I got a little carried away. I didn't mean to pressure you."

As expected, there's silence greeting him from the other side. Makoto sits down by the door with his back against the wall. He drags his knees up and hugs them, taking slow breaths. Makoto wonders what Rin's thinking right now. Is he regretting this? Is he going to gather his things again and go back to his mother's house? How will this affect their already fragile relationship? He almost doesn't want to know the answer to it, but will probably know once Rin comes out. Again, he's glad he doesn't have a window in there, or he might never find out.

_I bet Haru would laugh at me if he found out_ , Makoto thinks bitterly to himself. Just as he does, the door to the bathroom unlocks and opens. He almost cracks his neck with the speed at which he turns his head to the side, and looks up at Rin. The redhead looks down at him, and Makoto sees that his eyes are slightly red, the area around them puffy and his nose red, too. Makoto's heart aches in his chest, and he hates himself even more for having done this to Rin. To have made him cry, and stressed him out because of his own, selfish desires.

"Hey", Rin says and wipes his nose with the back of his hand. "Why're you sitting on the floor?"

Makoto looks at his knees. "No reason. Wanna join me?"

Rin snorts. "You have chairs, and a kotatsu. But okay, whatever suits your fancy. Doesn't look comfortable, though."

He shuts the door behind him and sits down with his back against it, sitting next to Makoto. A little  _too_ close, considering the situation, but Makoto doesn't really complain. This is the closest they've been in nearly two years, and while Makoto hopes they'll get even closer, he'll have to be settle for this right now. And  _definitely_ not pressure Rin any more than he already has.

"So... listen", Rin begins. "I'm sorry. For just... freaking out like that, and slamming the door."

Makoto shakes his head. "It's fine, really. I'm the one who's supposed to apologise; I pressured you into moving in with me so soon, because I was being self-indulgent."

"Nah, it's fi—"

"It's not fine, Rin. I know it isn't, and you know it, too", Makoto cuts him off, earning him a surprised stare from Rin. He still doesn't entirely meet the other's gaze, though. "I completely understand if you don't want to through with this. It was just a far-fetched, silly dream of mine, really. Not that it wouldn't make me sad if you  _didn't_ move in with me, but I'd understand if you don't want to."

"It's not that I don't want to, I just... don't want to put you through unnecessary, hurtful shit again. I can't make any promises that I  _won't_ do it... you know how I am."

"I do, but I'm not sure we're thinking of the same thing."

"It's like Haru said that one time. I'm a walking tornado, apparently with 'shark fangs'. I mess people's lives up, I start unnecessary and dumb arguments with them because I'm an unstable, miserable piece of shit, and I always run away, leaving a mess behind in doing so."

Makoto bites back a laugh at the way Rin, and apparently also Haru, described himself. He doesn't think it's very accurate in the negative sense of messing people's lives up; it's more like Rin turns people's lives upside down in a positive way. At least in Makoto's case. He was the happiest he'd ever been when dating Rin, and he felt like the two of them complemented each other on a completely different level than he did with Haru. No matter how many times he'd try telling Rin this, he knows the other's just going to deny it and say that he's wrong.

"You know", Makoto begins, thinking before speaking and choosing his words carefully as to not upset Rin, "you can always work on the whole 'running away' thing. I know confrontations are scary, because I used to run away from them a lot, too. But it doesn't do you any good in the end, and I think you know that."

"You're right about that one", Rin says with a bitter laugh. "So what do I do about it?"

"I can try to help. And if you'd let them, I'm sure Haru and Sousuke would—"

"No. Definitely not."

Makoto frowns. He's glad he has younger twin siblings who helped give him a kind of patience most other people might not have. Dealing with Rin takes a lot of it, but he wouldn't even think of giving up. Because for some reason, Makoto feels like he might get somewhere if he  _doesn't_ give up. He doesn't know what he'd do if he were to actually give up on Rin and try to move on. Makoto doesn't know who he is without the moody redhead in his life, and that's why he feels like this is worth it.

"Why won't you just give them a chance? If not them, then would you consider me? Or maybe Gou?"

Rin sighs. "I think you'd be the best option, then. Whatever, I just don't want to involve everyone else like I always do."

Makoto doesn't know whether to be happy or insulted by the fact that Rin considered him last, but he doesn't dwell on it. He clears his throat. "Well, hey — maybe this'll work out, seeing as we'll be living together. Unless you don't want that anymore?"

"I told you that it's not that I  _don't_ want to. I do, okay? Just... don't freak me out with huge things in the beginning. Like, things that require commitment more than this already does. And for god's sake, don't bring up Haru and Sousuke. I'll get to them myself."

"Okay. Just know that I'm here for you."

"Yeah."

It feels like a half-hearted answer, but Makoto decides to be happy with it. It's better than Rin completely shying away from him or rejecting him, and this means it's at least moving forward. Slowly, sure — but at least it's a start. Rin might have some things to work on, but so does Makoto. And he feels positive that the two of them might be able to work on these things together, because it's something they used to do a lot in the past.

Rin was the one to talk Makoto into finally confronting Haru about his future in their last year of high school, and while it had put a significant strain on their friendship, in the end — what Rin did for the both of them brought Makoto and Haruka closer than they were before. Makoto's eternally grateful to Rin for it, and he hopes that he'll be able to repay the favour one day. He feels like Rin got to be the middle-hand when in reality, he had little to nothing to do with it.

He gets up from the floor and stretches out a hand. "Shall we continue moving your stuff in? I'm getting hungry."

A little hesitant, Rin takes the outstretched hand and lets Makoto pull him up from the floor where they've been sitting for what feels like well over an hour. "Sure. I'll treat you to lunch once we're done. As thanks, that is."

Makoto shakes his head and puts his hands up. "I can't let you do that, that's—"

"Just let me, okay? I told you, I want to since you helped me move in and stuff. Also... kind of as a peace offering. For... a new start. Maybe."

A horde of butterflies flap their wings in his stomach, and Makoto can't help but smile. "Okay, if you say so. Thank you."

"... Sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: When I was writing the dialogue between Makoto and Rin sitting outside the bathroom and Rin going on about him constantly **running away** from his problems, [" _Running Away_ "](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lXHT9XM8RA) by Friendly Fires started playing on iTunes, and I couldn't help but laugh.


	9. 八

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru repays Rin a favour from nearly two years ago.

_Rin_.

 

Walking into Makoto's bedroom had been too much. Rin immediately finds his head spinning and heart racing in his chest, and he needs to get out. He  _could_  jump out the window since they're on the ground floor, but Makoto would definitely notice him crawling out of there since the bedroom door is open. When Makoto walks in, Rin's only other option is to squeeze past him and run for the bathroom. Thankfully, that door has a lock on it, and he uses it with gratitude.

As he's locked the door, Rin slides down onto the floor with his back against said door, and he has trouble breathing properly. His thoughts are loud, aggressive, everything but positive and encouraging. They tell him to get out and stop bothering Makoto more than he already has, to just leave everyone alone and end their suffering along with him disappearing. The thing is, he still doesn't have anywhere else to go. Iwatobi is the only place where he has somewhere to be, and for some reason, one of those places ended up being Makoto's apartment.

Technically, this is going to be  _his_  apartment, too, from now on. Rin doubts it's actually that good of an idea, but he doesn't have the heart to back out of it now, to let Makoto down at this point. Not when he's already fucked up by giving Makoto all this false hope once again. He wants to make things right between them, and backing out of moving in with Makoto isn't the way to go about it.

At some point during his anxiety attack, Rin thinks he hears Makoto talk from the other side of the door, but he doesn't hear what he's saying. He's glad Makoto isn't being pushy like he knows Gou and his mother would've been in a situation like this, that Makoto gives him the space and time he needs. Eventually, Rin gathers himself and gets up from the floor to go outside again.

He and Makoto spend some time just sitting on the floor not talking too much, but just sitting. It's nice, Rin finds, even though he thinks he should probably say something. They eventually get up again and finish moving his stuff in, which wasn't a whole lot to begin with, anyway. Despite having moved his belongings into Makoto's apartment, it doesn't make it feel like more of a home to him. Rin feels like he's just staying temporarily, like he's going to leave again very soon.

Maybe he is, he just hasn't gotten into a situation that calls for him to run away again just yet.

"So, about lunch... where do you wanna go?" he asks when they've folded the boxes together and put them in a corner in the closet. Makoto turns to him and looks like he forgot that Rin had promised to buy him lunch as thanks for helping him move in.

"Huh? Oh... er, how about ramen? There's a really good ramen restaurant further into town by the bike shop—"

"I know which one it is. Let's do that, that sounds good." Rin can't help but smile inwardly at Makoto's choice of food; he's always been weak to those types of food, and Rin is glad that hasn't changed. He wonders if Makoto's favourite dish is still green curry, but he doesn't really want to ask since he doesn't want the other to know he still remembers such a small detail.

The weather has improved a little since they were last outside; there's not a single cloud in the sky and the temperature is perfect for wearing only a t-shirt and shorts without it being too hot. Rin really likes spending his summers in Iwatobi, because there's a lot to do with festivals and other events keeping the town busy. There's obviously also the beach, where he tends to spend a lot of his time. The summers in Australia could be quite cruel, and there were some days when Rin just didn't go outside because of how unbearably hot it was.

They take the short walk into town and end up at the ramen restaurant, which thankfully isn't packed with people. Rin doesn't remember when he was there last, but it seems the place has stayed pretty much the same since he did visit. They both end up ordering dishes that  _aren't_  ramen, ironically, but maybe that's because of the summer weather. Rin hasn't had cold soba noodles in what feels like forever, and when he's presented with the dish and has had his first taste, he's really glad he chose it.

"Have you given any thought to what we talked about the other day regarding jobs?" Makoto asks him, and Rin has to think back for a second before he recalls said conversation. Living with Makoto is one thing, but on top of that also working with him seems a little too much. At least for the moment; he could barely even walk into the apartment without feeling like he'd gotten in way over his head.

"I don't know if... that's such a good idea", he says. "I don't know how well I'd deal with kids, to be honest."

Makoto shrugs. "I think you have a pretty good hand with them, and children seem to like you. But... I guess I know what you mean. Do you want me to look around and see if anyone I know has something for you? It would most likely be either in restaurants or any of the shops around here."

He ponders it for a second, and while he doesn't want to rely on Makoto more than he already has to, it sounds like a pretty good idea. Seeing as Rin himself wasn't able to get himself a job in any of the places he went to in Iwatobi, maybe Makoto might have better luck with it.

"Sure, that'd be great. Thanks... for doing that."

Makoto smiles and shakes his head. "Don't thank me just yet. Though I'm pretty sure I'd be able to get you  _some_  kind of job, but we'll just have to see what we end up with. And hey, if you ever change your mind, I'm pretty sure coach Sasabe would welcome you to work at ITSC, too."

"Do you still call him that?"

"Huh? Oh... yeah, I guess it's sort of a habit from the old days."

Rin can't possibly imagine what it's like to work alongside your old swim coach, but it seems like Makoto doesn't really mind it. To be fair, Makoto's great with people, be it children or adults, so maybe that's why he deals so well with it. Makoto's a people person, and while Rin isn't the exact opposite, he can't say he deals too well with strangers, either. Readjusting to life here in Iwatobi and starting to work here is going to require him to at least  _pretend_  to be a people person, which Rin isn't really looking forward to.

"Is it fun? Working at the swim club, I mean."

Makoto's face lights up, and the smile from before is even wider this time. "Oh, yeah — it's really fun. I don't think I've ever had a bad day working there, to be honest. It might be a little difficult sometimes, but I've never regretted my decision."

Rin bites his lower lip in hesitation for what he's about to ask. He can't really contain his curiousness at this point, and since Makoto wanted the two of them to be able to talk again like old times — why  _shouldn't_ he be able to ask? "Do you not... think about what it could've been like if you'd gone to Tokyo?"

The brunet goes silent for a while, and he pokes at the remains of his somen noodles with his chopsticks. "I do, sometimes. And it can be a little painful to think about, to think that I wasn't good enough in the end, to attend any of the universities I'd applied to there. Maybe my dream was just too big and unrealistic, I don't know, but... I try not to think about it, because it's a little sad, really. But at the same time, I did end up doing pretty much what I wanted anyway, so thinking of it that way makes me feel a little better about the situation."

The fact that Makoto came to terms with his dream being crushed while Rin still has problems with the same thing for  _his_ dream makes him feel pathetic. Why can't he just learn to accept things and let go like Makoto did? Makoto makes it sound like it was such an easy thing to do, but Rin knows it probably wasn't, and that it must've taken him some time and effort to get to this point.

 

* * *

 

Having finished their lunch, Rin and Makoto start heading back to the apartment. It still feels odd to him, walking with Makoto like this as if things from two years ago haven't changed one bit. Things  _have_ changed, the biggest thing being Makoto not living with his parents anymore. If things would've been like this back then, they would've had so much more freedom, and—

Rin's walking comes to an abrupt halt, and he feels his heartbeat increase again. There's only one bedroom in Makoto's apartment. He'll have to sleep in there... with Makoto in the same bed. How the hell is he supposed to stay in control of his dreams and desires like that? How's he going to actually get some _sleep_?

"Rin?" Makoto stops, too, and looks back at the redhead, who averts his gaze.

"It's nothing", he says and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his shorts. "Just... thinking about stuff."

"Okay", Makoto replies, and Rin has a feeling Makoto suspects something. He's glad Makoto doesn't say anything else, though, as they arrive at the apartment. Seeing some of his stuff in there reminds Rin once again that this is where he'll live from now on. Unless he either really screws up and Makoto makes him move out, or if he runs away on his own accord. Even if Makoto told him he won't let Rin screw up that easily, Rin is pretty certain that there are exceptions.

When they get situated in the apartment again, it gets even more unbearable. He met Makoto again after over a year and a half of no contact at all just two weeks ago, and now they're suddenly living together? The change hits Rin in the face like a bag of bricks, and just as he's about to have a proper freak-out about it, his phone buzzes in his pocket.  _Just don't let it be Gou_ , he silently prays as he answers the call. Makoto gives him a nod and goes into the living room, giving Rin some space and breathing room.

"Yeah?" he answers, realising he didn't even look at the display to see who was calling.

" _Hey, it's me. Are you with Makoto?_ "

Rin finds it incredibly rude how Haru doesn't even introduce himself properly, how he  _still_ hasn't learnt to do that to this day. Even so, he's too tired to comment on it. "Yes. I live here now, remember?"

" _I know. Are you free to meet up?_ "

He suddenly feels like maybe he shouldn't just rudely leave, but at the same time, why not? It's not like he and Makoto are attached by the hip or anything, and it probably isn't healthy for them to spend every waking moment by each other's side from now on if they're going to live together. Rin knows he wouldn't be able to cope with it, because it would drive him mad. And even if Makoto might deny it, he'd probably feel the same way after a while.

"Sure. Where?"

" _Come to that little park behind your apartment complex; I can be there in five._ "

Rin frowns a little in confusion, but he doesn't say anything and just lets Haru hang up before he does the same thing himself. He chews on his lower lip before calling out to Makoto. "I'm... going out for a bit. To see Haru."

Makoto comes back from the living room, and he looks as surprised as Rin feels. "Oh, okay. I'll see you tonight?"

The redhead feels bad over a simple thing like Makoto saying that like a question, as if it isn't obvious Rin is coming back later that night, as if he hasn't just moved in there. Makoto probably knows Rin still isn't too comfortable with staying in one place when that one place is near Makoto right now, and he wants to blurt out that,  _of course I'll be back tonight, I live here now, don't I?_ But knowing himself, Rin wouldn't be able to say it even if he really tried.

"Yeah", he says. "I'll be back before dinner time. Let me cook this time, I'll stop by the supermarket on my way back."

"Oh... okay", Makoto says, and his eyes light up, a small smile gracing his lips. Rin's heart skips a beat, and he swallows hard, turning around again.  _This man is going to be the death of me_ , he thinks to himself, holding back a sigh as he puts his shoes on.

"Right... er, I'm— I'm off."

"Tell Haru I said hi", Makoto replies, and Rin is out the door. He realises he doesn't actually have a key to the apartment, but knowing Makoto, the other's probably already thought about it and will have it fixed soon. It isn't like he thinks Makoto's going to leave the house and make Rin have to camp out until he returns — Makoto's way smarter than that — but it would just feel a little better knowing he had full access to the place where he's now living.

Rin walks out and sighs. He has no idea why Haru wants to meet, but he knows it's probably not a meeting of the friendly kind that they'll have. He knows that Haru at least isn't going to yell at him, since Haru rarely shows extreme emotions like that and probably wouldn't want to embarrass the both of them. Maybe he just wants to socialise. Make up for lost time, have a normal conversation. It doesn't make sense in Rin's head, but that doesn't mean it's completely impossible.

When he approaches the park, Haru is already there but it doesn't surprise him. Rin exhales slowly and takes his hands out of his pockets. The black-haired man spots him and gives him a simple nod of acknowledgement.

"Hey", Rin says as he stops in front of Haru.

"You look scared. Are you?"

Rin frowns. "Should I be?"

Not that he isn't; well, he's a little apprehensive, but that's a given. He knows that this isn't just the two of them hanging out like friends — Haru must have something else on his mind.

"No", Haru says with a shrug. "I mean, I'm not going to yell at you. I was going to bring you somewhere, more specifically."

"This wasn't it?" Rin says and cocks his head in the direction of the park. On one hand, he should've realised since they wouldn't be alone in the park, anyway, with children running around and playing, their parents sitting on the benches watching. This is most definitely not Haru and Rin just going to have a casual meet-up — this is something that requires a little more privacy. RIn has an idea as to  _why_ , but it's still too vague for him to figure it all out.

So when Haru motions for him to follow, all he can do is obey orders. They exit the park aand start walking down along the perimeters of central Iwatobi, all the while not saying a word. The silence is driving Rin mad, and he wants to ask why it's so important that they go so far away from civilisation. Is Haru planning on yelling at him, after all? It wouldn't make sense, first of all since Haru said he wouldn't, and second because Haru just never raises his voice at people.

Well, it's happened a few times, and Rin has seen it at least twice, and heard about some of it from Makoto. It's not something he wants to remember, because the mere sight of Haru being upset made Rin's heart ache. They may be rivals when it comes to swimming, but outside of the swimming pool, Haru is one of Rin's best and closest friends.

"Oi, Haru — can you at least tell me where we're going?" he calls after the man who walks in front of him. He recalls the time they went to Australia and Haru complained about Rin walking too fast. This time, it's the opposite, and Rin finally realises what kind of irritation Haru must've felt back then.

The sun has sunk quite a bit above them, turning the sky orange. Rin notices that they're walking towards a part of Iwatobi that isn't as crowded, and the questions in his head multiply. Of course, he knows that if he asks them, they won't be answered. Haru seems pretty set on not telling him where they're headed, but he's thinking less and less that it's a place where Haru wants to be able to yell at him.

Soon enough, it's right in front of Rin's face, and his eyes widen as they finally come to a stop. The sound of the waves coming into shore and receding again hits his ears, and Rin instantly feels a calm sweep over him, almost as if it's mimicking the waves he's watching. It's mesmerising, almost hypnotising, but he's still puzzled as to why they're by the ocean. He looks at Haru right by his side, who just stares out into the ocean.

They stand like that for a while, and just as Rin is about to break the silence with a question, Haru speaks up.

"I figured I'd return the favour and bring you to the ocean. It's not in a different country, but... it's where we grew up. And it's the ocean. And I remember you saying how it used to calm you down, at least when you were in Australia."

Rin is amazed at how Haru picked up on something so insignificant, but he can't deny being touched by Haru's gesture. He inhales the scent of the salt water, listens to the seagulls screeching in the distance and the faint sound of the city bustle somewhere behind them. He closes his eyes and lets out a breath.

"Thanks... Haru."

His black-haired friend starts walking down the steps and onto the sand, and all Rin can do is follow. They sit down on the sand, side by side, and silence falls upon them again. It's a strange situation, and Rin feels like maybe Haru wants him to talk. To tell him things that he isn't ready to talk about. He suddenly feels nervous, and swallows hard.

"If you brought me here because you wanted me to talk... I have to disappoint you. Again. I can't do it", he mumbles. "I appreciate the gesture, but—"

"I didn't take you to the beach because I wanted you to talk", Haru interrupts him. "I took you here, because... well... you obviously don't seem like you have things together. You did the same for me almost two years ago, and it worked. It might be dumb, but I figured I'd try. I don't know how else I'm supposed to at least try to help."

Rin feels an immense amount of guilt punch him in the gut, and he winces. "Haru... please don't think you're not helping. I just... need for things to slow down a little. I want to take it slow, and I want to settle in properly again before anything else. Things are just moving a little too fast for me right now. I'm not lost, though."

"You seem like you are", Haru insists. "At least with Makoto. And I don't want you to drag him down into it. No, I won't _allow_ it."

Suddenly feeling offended, Rin frowns and glares at the man by his side. "I'm not doing any of this on purpose, Haru. Believe me, I'm trying."

"If you say so. I'm just saying I won't allow you to treat him the way I did. To shut him out. Because I did that once, and I— I almost lost him."

Haru's voice gets a little thicker near the end, and Rin has to fight the urge to take on a surprised expression. He's always known that the bond between Haruka and Makoto is a scarily deep one, and that they have a weird kind of affection for each other that one can't simply put into words. But Haru's never been vocal about anything that involves emotional things, so for him to do it now of all times makes Rin feel like he's really missed out on a lot while being gone. 

Rin hunches his shoulders whilst hugging his knees, and looks out at the ocean. "It's a little different, but okay, I get what you're saying."

"I know that fights and arguments are inevitable, but... just don't shut him out. Even if you might not want to tell me or Sousuke about everything, you owe it to Makoto."

"He's too good for someone like me", Rin mutters. "I don't get why he still wants to be with me after all I've done."

Haru sighs. "Maybe because he loves you? Maybe because Makoto's never one to give up even after he's tried ten times? Don't tell me you didn't know he's this type of person, because he's always been."

"I do", Rin says with an annoyed sigh. He knows Haru means well, but sometimes he uses that tone that Rin absolutely despises, and he wonders if it's on purpose. "He's too goddamn stubborn."  _And that's one of the reasons as to why I love him so much_ , Rin thinks to himself. 

"Makoto doesn't bite, you know; I think it'd be the opposite, considering that bear trap of yours. He can take a little argument or confrontation, if that's what you're worried about. Just talk to him. Let him in, stop treating him like you  _didn't_ agree to try being in a relationship with him again. If things get a little too much, I'm... here for you."

Rin glances to his side and notices the tips of Haru's ears going a dark shade of pink, and he has to fight back a little laugh. He's glad, though. Knowing Haru isn't one to normally talk about these things, it means a lot to Rin that he'd go out of his comfort zone to do so.

They're both silent for a while, but Rin quickly grows agitated. He lets out a sigh and opens his mouth hesitantly. "Thanks, Haru."

"Sure."

 

* * *

 

Rin and Haruka leave the beach after having spent roughly an hour there. It feels like it's been a lot longer, but surprisingly not in a bad way. Rin had come to meet Haru thinking he'd get yelled at, but he only received a gentle scolding and had a wake-up call. In hindsight, he thinks it wasn't as bad as he'd originally thought, after all, and he's glad he spent some time alone with Haruka after all this time.

They go their separate ways by the supermarket, and Rin picks up a few groceries to cook dinner. As he's promised Makoto, he'll make dinner tonight, and while he doesn't know exactly what to make when he first comes inside, walking around in the supermarket gives him a few ideas.

When he approaches the apartment complex, he wonders for a brief moment if he should ring the doorbell or just try and open the door. What if Makoto's locked it and doesn't expect Rin to be back so soon, or at all today? He doesn't want to freak Makoto out by just walking inside, but at the same time, Makoto keeps telling him that he does live there now, so maybe he should act like he does.

Taking a deep breath to prepare himself, Rin turns the door handle to find the door unlocked. He walks inside, and finds Makoto sitting by the kotatsu with his laptop. He looks up when Rin walks in, and the other immediately feels like he's been caught with sneaking out or something. He clears his throat and averts his gaze.

"I'm back", he mumbles.

"Welcome back, Rin."

He exhales slowly despite the hammering of his heart and walks inside. It's been a very interesting day, and he wonders — almost fears — if this is how all his days are going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr as [popnographic](http://popnographic.tk/)!


	10. 九

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Makoto have _the_ talk.

_Makoto_.

 

Rin comes back just before six in the evening, and almost immediately begins making dinner. Even though he's been told that Rin was going to be responsible for it, Makoto almost can't stop himself from wanting to help. It's an old habit of his, really, but he knows he'll have to control himself now that he's living with someone who isn't family, someone who probably won't take too kindly to him disobeying orders.

Before Rin came back, Makoto spent some time on Skype with Nagisa whilst waiting for his load of laundry, later on joined by Haru and Sousuke on Nagisa's request. Even though Nagisa still lives in the same town as them, they still can't see each other as often as they'd like. Rei had been brave and moved all the way across the globe to America, and it's a fourteen hour difference between them, so it's even more difficult to find a time to talk to him more so than anyone else.

Having dinner with Rin in the apartment isn't as stiff of an experience as Makoto had feared. He seems to have loosen up a little, and Makoto wonders what Haru talked to Rin about. Of course, he's not going to ask, but he does hope that Rin shares at least some of it with him when he feels like it. He wonders just how much Gou knows, considering the fact that the siblings had gotten very close again in his last year of high school, and it seems like Rin finds it easier to share things like these with her than anyone else, even Sousuke.

"Thank you for the food", Makoto says, hands clasped together and his elbows on the table. Rin clears his throat and looks away.

"Hope it was edible."

"Oh, it was more than that — it was really good! You must've picked up on some cooking skills while you were in Australia, huh?"

Rin flinches, and Makoto realises his mistake. It's too early to talk about anything related to Australia, after all. Well, of course it is — it hasn't been  _that_ long since they met after Rin came back home.

Thinking about home and the definition of it makes Makoto's heart twinge. He wonders what Rin considers to be his home now; is this apartment just where he lives, or is it a place he'll be able to call home one day? Makoto hopes so, and wants to do his best to make it happen. Because his home is wherever Rin is, and he wants for it to be mutual, like it once was.

"Ah, sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"It's fine", Rin says. "I don't want you to tiptoe around me all the time, it... makes me feel bad." He stops to take a deep breath, and it worries Makoto. "I want to talk to you. Can we at least clean up here first?"

Makoto looks at their plates and bowls for a second until it clicks in his head. "Ah... yeah, sure. I can take care of it as thanks for dinner."

"But—"

"No but", Makoto says with a smile he hopes comes off as reassuring, but he isn't sure. He feels nervous all of a sudden, and he's pretty sure he knows why. "Just sit, I'll be back in a few minutes."

He gets up from the floor and starts cleaning off the table, bringing everything into the kitchen. He wonders what exactly Rin wants to talk about, but whatever it is, it has to be something rather big and difficult for him to talk about, considering the build-up. Makoto doesn't want to get his hopes up or have weird expectations of the conversation that's about to ensue, so he tries to keep his mind off of it while he's doing the dishes.

Makoto's glad things seem to be moving forward for them, though. It's a slow progress, but it's something, and that's all he wants. As long as they're not moving backwards, Makoto's fine with whatever pace they're going. All he really wants is for things to go back to the way they used to be before Rin went to Australia, but it's probably a far-fetched dream that he shouldn't get too attached to.

Sitting down by the table again, he looks at Rin who's fidgeting with his hands in his lap. The redhead's most definitely nervous, and he's not the only one. Well, Makoto knows he can't be nearly as nervous as Rin is, but his heartbeat surely has quickened since Rin mentioned he had something he wanted to talk about.

Rin meets Makoto's gaze, and the latter feels like he's going to pass out. "I wanted to talk about why I left Australia and came back here. Is that okay?"

"Huh? Of course... you already know I want to hear it, but I was just thinking I wanted to wait until  _you_ were okay with telling me."

"I am", Rin says, and he looks down at his hands. "You know... how I always have kind of a one-track mind, right? I was so set on wanting to fulfil my dad's dream that I didn't— I didn't even for a second wonder if it's something I really wanted for myself, as well. I just really wanted to make Dad proud, I wanted to do what he couldn't. I don't even know if this is something he would've wanted me to do if he knew it was for him."

"So that's why you went back?" Makoto asks, and Rin nods slowly.

"Yeah. I realised I couldn't stay there and pursue something that wouldn't make  _me_ happy. I love swimming, I really do — but I don't want to become an Olympic athlete. It sounds cool and all, but it's not for me. I'm all about going big, yes, but it's different kind of big that probably won't suit me in the end."

He goes silent, and he chews on his lower lip. Makoto knows there's something else he wants to say, but he's either too ashamed to talk about it, or it's just emotionally tough. Either way, Makoto stays quiet and waits for Rin to continue talking. He's already learnt the biggest reason as to why Rin is back, and that's all he really wanted to know. He isn't so sure if Rin's going to tell the others, though, and if he wants Makoto to keep it secret, Makoto isn't so sure he'll be able to keep it from Haru. His best friend is scarily good at reading him and getting the truth out of him if he really wants to. And in this case, he probably does.

"I also kind of... got into some trouble with some guys there", Rin continues, and Makoto frowns a little.

"What kind?"

This time, it seems like Rin regrets having relayed this information to Makoto. The brunet stays quiet, though, hoping Rin won't just drop it here but continue telling Makoto what exactly happened in Australia. He's gotten most of it, but there are still a few loose details he needs to be filled in on.

"Money issues. I was running out of money to pay for my rent in halls, so I borrowed money from someone who's a friend of a guy on my team. And when I couldn't pay him back by the deadline he'd given me, he— he kind of sent a bunch of idiots over to my flat. Caused issues with the guys I lived with, and then I just... it proved further that I wasn't supposed to be in Australia. So I fucking ran away like I always do, because I managed to fuck things up not only for myself but between me and my friends I'd managed to make there."

Makoto shakes his head. "Oh, Rin... if you could've only told _any_ of us, we would've—"

"Don't 'oh, Rin' me", Rin spits back between clenched teeth. "You wouldn't have done that if you were in my position, we both know that."

The worst part is that Rin is probably right. He isn't nearly as stubborn as Rin is, but they're somewhat similar in that regard. Besides, Makoto knows that Rin wouldn't even think of asking others for help because it'd be below his standards, his philosophy of not depending on others.

Makoto clears his throat and finally relaxes his shoulders. "Okay... maybe not. But I just— I wish I could've helped you. I know I would've tried my best to do that, and I think you do, too. Not just me, I think Haru and Sousuke, and probably even your family would."

"I know that! But I'd rather die than ask people for help, okay? And I only have myself to blame for it, so don't... don't lecture me on this. I know I already have it coming from everyone else. I kinda wished I wouldn't have to hear it... from you, of all people."

Sighing, Makoto scoots closer to Rin so he's sitting right next to him. He's trying his best to be careful so as to not scare Rin off, and it seems like he's either succeeded at what he's doing, or it's just Rin becoming a little more comfortable around him again, because he doesn't move. He does give Makoto an odd look, however, but it doesn't stop him. Makoto drapes his arm over Rin's shoulders, and the redhead flinches.

"Oi, what are you—"

"I'm sorry, Rin. I'm still trying to get used to things, trying to process what you've gone through and the things you've told me. But I want you to know that you're not alone, and that I'm here for you. We all are. You just... have to let us in."

Rin still doesn't relax in his embrace, but he doesn't try to break free, either. "You make it sound like it's so easy to do that", he mumbles, and Makoto immediately shakes his head.

"I don't mean to. I know it can't be that easy, but all I ask is that you try. We're not here to antagonise you or poke fun at your mishaps, we're here to support and try to help you. I don't care if it takes time, because I've got a lot of it. And when it comes to you, I'm especially willing to give more of it, but I think you know that."

"Playing favourites", Rin grumbles, and Makoto laughs.

"I guess so."

 

* * *

 

Makoto makes the bed with the newly washed and dried sheets while Rin's in the bath. His talk with Rin was a modest success, and he feels confident that they'll be able to patch things together at least somewhat to what it once used to be. He's glad Rin has finally told him everything that brought the redhead back from Australia, and understands why Rin is apprehensive and almost the way he used to be back in their first year of high school. He can't really blame the redhead for it, either, as he has no idea what Rin's really gone through.

Although he doesn't want to pressure Rin into getting a job as soon as possible, Makoto's come to realise that it won't be easy to sustain the both of them with his current pay, even though he's working two jobs. Having to feed two people instead of just one doubles the food costs, even if the rent's going to stay the same, it'll still get more expensive, and more difficult for him to save money.

**You** :  _Sorry to ask this of you so sudden, but do you know if there's anywhere in town Rin could work? Do you have any contacts, perhaps? Any help would be greatly appreciated._

 

He turns off the display on his phone and puts his phone back on the nightstand before continuing to put the pillow covers over the two big pillows he has. Makoto really dislikes having to ask people of favours, but Sousuke always tells him he can come to the taller male about anything and at any time.

When he's done making the bed, he stands back with a loud exhale and suddenly feels a little nervous. He hasn't shared a bed with anyone — more specifically, with Rin — since Rin moved to Australia. He's ashamed of how much he depends on other people and how much he just utterly craves to be near people pretty much all the time. He wants to be independent, like Haru, but as much as he's tried, it just ends up with him becoming depressed and a shut-in instead.

His phone soon vibrates with what Makoto hopes, and soon finds out, is a reply from Sousuke.

**Sousuke** :  _Sure, I could look around for a bit. Anything to get him off his lazy ass, really. Talk to you soon_.

 

Makoto smiles as he sends a quick thank you-reply and goes back out into the hallway to wait for his turn in the bathroom. Just as he arrives outside, the door opens and Rin walks out. He's wiping down his hair with a towel and is wearing a big, grey t-shirt and underwear. Their eyes meet, but only for a second, before Rin looks down at the floor with a slight frown.

"I'm tired, so I'm gonna go to bed", he says. "Is that okay with you?"

Makoto blinks, confused. "Why not?"

"Thought you wanted me to wait until you were done."

"Oh." He shakes his head and smiles. "That's fine, you can go to bed. Good night, Rin."

Rin rubs the back of his neck and clears his throat. "Yeah. Night."

Makoto takes just about ten minutes in the shower, and when he comes back into the bedroom, Rin's fast asleep already. He smiles a little to himself as he carefully crawls under the duvet to try and not wake Rin. It's been a long and weird day, but hopefully the coming day won't be as bad. It's a slow process, and they haven't really been around each other for too long since Rin came back yet, so it's not surprising. Things are still a little stiff, but in time, Makoto hopes it'll go back to normal, at least somewhat.

Just as he's about to fall asleep, Makoto hears some mumbling from the other side of the bed. Rin has turned away from him, now facing the wall, and when Makoto scoots closer, he notices Rin's trembling.

He considers waking the other up, thinking it might be a nightmare, but he wonders if that'll actually be better than letting him continue sleeping. Rin is still not too comfortable with this closeness they'll share from now on, so obviously he wouldn't take too kindly to Makoto meddling in something that 'he's got nothing to do with'. Soon enough, though, Rin's mumbling and trembling stop, and Makoto manages to fall asleep.

When he gets up in the morning to go to work, he notices Rin's side of the bed's empty. Makoto walks out into the hallway, and when he peeks out into the living room, he sees Rin sleeping under the kotatsu, having taken his pillow with him and using a blanket from the closet in the hallway. Slightly heartbroken over this still not too surprising step-back, Makoto sighs and proceeds into the bathroom.

Thinking it would be this easy just because Rin's officially moved in was dumb on Makoto's part, he realises. Maybe it's because Rin's still embarrassed about having told Makoto everything — it would make sense, since Rin isn't one to easily acknowledge his mistakes and faults, and he takes a defeat harder than anyone else Makoto knows. So maybe he still needs a little time, and Makoto  _had_ promised to give Rin as much time as he wanted.

So that's what he has to do. Give Rin more time, be patient and just hope that his efforts won't be in vain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [popnographic](http://popnographic.tk) on Tumblr!


	11. 十

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin gets a message from Sousuke about a job offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 100 kudos! ♡

_Rin_.

 

Waking up with a jolt, Rin is immediately startled by his unknown surroundings. When he's had a few seconds to adjust, he remembers that this is Makoto's and now also his apartment, and that this is where he lives now. He sighs and sits up with a groan. He's reminded by the fact that he left the bed to go sleep under the kotatsu after his panic attack proceeding the nightmare, and having slept under the kotatsu left Rin with sore neck and lower back muscles.

He notices his phone's notification light blinking on the kotatsu table, and when he picks it up, he sees it's a text message from Sousuke. His heartbeat speeds up, and he swallows hard before opening it.  _Don't let it be another confrontation_ , he silently prays and reads the message.

 **Sousuke** :  _Off work today. Can you come over? I'll make lunch. Need to talk. Not gonna bite._

 

He wonders how much truth there is to those words, and even if he  _did_ want to leave the apartment, he still doesn't have a key. Well, that is until he looks back down at the kotatsu table next to him and sees two keys on a keyring, right next to where his phone had been. There's a little post-it note under it, and when he picks it up, his heart skips a beat.

" _I was supposed to have this done earlier, but the guy forgot about it. As a compromise, I got it copied for half the price! Anyway, here's your key. See you tonight! Love, Makoto_."

Rin stares at the note for a few seconds before he gets up and takes his phone out again to reply to Sousuke's message before going into the bathroom.

 **You** :

 _Sure, I'll be there soon_.

 

It feels weird to walk around in this still somewhat unfamiliar apartment by himself. It's not a lot of space to move around in, sure, but it's still not completely  _his_. He still has a hard time believing that he actually lives here now, and that Makoto was so nice as to offer him to live there with him. He wants to pay Makoto back somehow, but without a job, there isn't much he can do but maybe clean the place up while Makoto's at work. If he has time before Makoto comes back in the evening, that's what Rin decides to do. At least it's something.

Having washed his face, brushed his teeth and dressed himself, Rin leaves the apartment and makes sure to lock the door behind him. Sousuke's message comes to his mind again, and he tries to think of what Sousuke could possibly want to talk about that wouldn't result in him yelling at Rin. Sousuke  _had_ said they weren't done with that conversation the other day, so maybe he plans on continuing it now that they've got time.

The short walk over to Sousuke's and Haru's house doesn't clear his mind in the slightest, and he's a little on edge as he stands on their doorstep, preparing himself mentally before ringing the doorbell. It doesn't take long before Sousuke opens the door, and he offers a curt nod upon seeing Rin.

"Hey, come on in."

Rin raises an eyebrow at the way Sousuke's acting; he doesn't seem mad, but he doesn't seem too happy, either. The two of them walk into the living room and sit down by the kotatsu table. Rin had already almost forgotten how big Haru's house is, having been in Makoto's and his tiny apartment. He's a little jealous, to be honest — that apartment they live in is almost too small for them. Maybe one day he'll be able to repay the favour to Makoto by getting them a bigger place, at least he hopes so.

"What did you wanna talk about?" Rin asks as they sit down, Sousuke having served them both unadon. Rin hasn't had eel in what feels like years, and he's oddly excited to have it again. He knows Sousuke's a good cook, so there's nothing for him to worry about. In Makoto's case, however, Rin wouldn't trust him alone in the kitchen.

Sousuke chews on his eel and swallows. "I have a job offer for you in town. It's a Western-style restaurant with Western food and foreigners tend to come there."

"Foreigners come to Iwatobi?"

" _That's_ what you're reacting to? Anyway, are you interested? You'll be starting out doing dishes, though, but there's a good chance you'll be able to climb the ladder pretty fast."

Rin nods slowly. "Yeah, that sounds good. Well, I don't really have any right to be picky at this point, so I'll take whatever I can get. Where is it? I should probably go there myself and talk to them."

Sousuke gives him the details and the name of the owner on a hastily scribbled note, and Rin takes it with a 'thanks'. They finish lunch and hang out for a while, and it feels less awkward to be around Sousuke now. Sousuke doesn't seem too angry anymore, which makes Rin feel a little relieved. He knows he's not completely off the hook yet, and he wants to try and fix that as soon as possible.

"Hey, Sousuke?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry. For everything... for keeping things from you, and for not contacting you when I came back. I've been the worst friend ever— hell, I don't blame you if you don't consider me a friend anymore. Because I haven't acted like one."

Sousuke regards him for a second and then sighs. "It's fine. I know you didn't do it because you were mad at me or anything. It must've been difficult, I realise that, and I guess I... got a little too angry. So I'm sorry, too."

It  _has_ been difficult, and Rin is still very much struggling with having to recognise the fact that he's been chasing after a dream he could never really make into his own for so long. He's managed to screw up so many things, relationships and promises along the way like the walking tornado he is. But he wants to finally make amends, to puzzle his relationship and friendships back together, and start over. It isn't like him to just give up, and he doesn't want to make this time an exception.

Rin shakes his head and smiles. "Guess we're both sorry, then. Can't we just start over? Or... well... unless there's something else you want me to tell you."

"There is", Sousuke replies, and Rin prepares himself for the worst. "What are your plans with Makoto from here on out?"

"What? Er... to live with him?" Rin guesses, but Sousuke doesn't seem all that satisfied.

"I mean, you've told him, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. So do you plan on start acting like his boyfriend now, finally, or keep being a distant and complicated asshat?"

Rin furrows his eyebrows. "You think I'm doing this on purpose, don't you."

"No, I don't. I'm just asking, because I know Makoto's near breaking point. I might not be all that good at reading him, but Haruka is. And we talk to each other about things. I think you guys should, too. And you should keep to that promise you made Makoto a while back."

"Promise? What promise?"

"That you'd start over with him, too. I'm asking because we all want an answer to it."

"Who are 'we'? And why do you care so much about Makoto all of a sudden?"

The change in Sousuke's friendship with Makoto is one Rin still has trouble adjusting to. It isn't that he's jealous of their friendship, or that he disapproves of it — he just doesn't understand how they went from not talking much at all to apparently really good friends within eighteen months. It's almost as if they did it just because Rin left, but he knows that's not the case.

"Me, Haruka and Makoto, of course", Sousuke clarifies with a roll of his eyes. "If you don't want to be with him that way, then say so. And move the fuck out. Because living with him when he still loves you and you don't love him back is just cruel. And as for why I care about him — well, isn't that obvious? We're friends. Caring about the well-being of your friends is normal. Don't tell me you're jealous and think I'm gonna steal him from you."

Rin stares at Sousuke incredulously and snorts. "As if."

"Thought so. I have Haruka, and he's all I need, really."

"You've turned into such a sap, Sou."

"Shut up", Sousuke replies, and Rin detects a very faint blush on his friend's cheeks. Gladly, he's able to stop himself from laughing.

 

* * *

 

Rin decides to go by the restaurant after he's left the Nanase/Yamazaki household. He talks to the owner and mentions that Sousuke had referred him there, which makes it a lot easier for them to get things moving. He's to start work on the coming Monday, and he'll be working six hours a day, five days a week. All he really wants is to get away from the apartment, move around and keep his mind off of things, really, so he's glad with whatever he gets. Six hours is still more than he'd originally expected as he's only just starting out, but it's a good surprise.

It's been a weird couple of weeks filled with mostly heavy stuff, but Rin feels strangely optimistic that things may finally start to change. If anything, he knows things  _need_ to change, at least between him and Makoto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something new was introduced in this chapter, and I'll give you a hint as to what it is: it has to do with Rin (surprise) and something he did for the first time in this fic. Which I actually realised as I was writing it.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ... he smiled. Yep. That's it.
> 
> —
> 
> [popnographic](http://popnographic.tk/) on Tumblr!


	12. 十一

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin starts work at the restaurant, and progress is made in patching up his relationship with Makoto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Honestly, this chapter is like 75% tooth-rotting fluff. To be fair, I think it's about time I made up for all that angst.)
> 
> If you, like me, can never get enough of MakoRin, I've posted a few requests from my Tumblr [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4191630/chapters/9467235), which is a collection of SouHaru, MakoRei and of course MakoRin fic prompts. Currently, chapters 3, 6 and 8 are MakoRin, but there are at least four more coming, with two still in the works and two scheduled to release within the next few days. Yep. Four.

_Rin_.

 

"You don't have to press the button  _too_ much, you'll probably end up spraying down the entire kitchen if you do. And make sure to properly get food scraps off of the cutlery before they go into the dishwasher — the boss is gonna be pissed if that thing breaks again."

Rin holds back a snort. This is all child's play, really — who  _doesn't_ know how to do the dishes? He's lived in a flat pretty much on his own (living with his flatmates didn't count as he had to tend to his own dishes, cleaning and clothes washing, anyway), so there's no way he wouldn't know how to do such a trivial task. He humours the guy, however, as he still essentially gets paid for doing nothing. If only that would make time pass faster, too. _  
_

When they've gone through the basics on how to run the dishwasher, where the forks, knives and spoons go, and to take 'very much care' of the plates, as they aren't cheap and will be a bothersome to get replaced just because 'some jackass in the kitchen couldn't handle them'. Rin feels like the guy guiding him — Hijikata Satoshi — is going to drill large holes into his head with that constant nagging of his. But he endures it, hoping that this first day is as bad as it gets with excessive explanations, and that future work days will be less tedious. _  
_

He's a little surprised that they actually let him handle the dishwasher station all by himself on his first day. Not that Rin complains; he prefers it that way, with people being out of his way and that he gets to work on his own. The first few hours are slow, and he finds himself just standing around for the most part, talking idly with one of the guys who's in charge of chopping vegetables and preparing things for the fridge. At least he's got more to do than Rin does.

The lunch rush finally starts, and Rin's hands are quickly full with things to do pretty much all the time, leaving him no room for chit-chat with his new co-workers. Most of the ones he's talked to today were nice, though there was one woman who seemed intent on hating everyone around her, making it impossible to even approach her. Rin almost recognises his old self in her, and he's glad he's kind of moved away from it.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the week is pretty much the same, as far as his new job goes. Rin also starts to finally warm up around Makoto again, not being as reclusive and distant as he's been since he came back home to Iwatobi. He still feels an immense amount of guilt because of how he's treated Makoto so far, but he also can't bring himself to completely indulge in Makoto's kindness. What has he done to deserve it, so far? Not much, and that's what needs to change.

"I'm home", Makoto calls as he comes in through the door, and Rin turns his head to the side.

"Welcome back", he replies automatically. "Good day?"

Makoto shrugs. "Just like any other day, I guess. We're having a practice relay tomorrow, though. I think it'll be fun."

"I see."

The brunet comes inside and plops down on a pillow by the kotatsu with a sigh. "How was your day? Getting used to the job alright?"

Rin makes a vague hand motion and releases an 'eh' sound. "It's okay, I guess. Boss is an idiot, but I'm dealing with it."

"You should be able to enjoy what you do, though", Makoto says, a hint of worry in his voice and a frown on his face. He's always been such a worrywort, always wanting to fix problems for those who are dear to him. He never does it for himself, though, which Rin finds the most annoying.

"It'll probably get a little more interesting once I move out of that kitchen into the actual restaurant. It'll be fine. At least I'm doing something with my days now, making a living of sorts."

"Okay, yeah, I guess", Makoto says, but he still doesn't sound too convinced. Rin lets the topic drop there, and thankfully, Makoto does, too.

After dinner, they both take care of the dishes; Makoto washes and Rin dries them off. Doing dishes was something he didn't think was much of a chore before, but now that he literally works with doing it, he's grown to hate it. Even so, it isn't something he wants to tell Makoto, because he knows his flatmate would just offer to take on the entire task himself. And since Rin was the one who moved in, he still owes Makoto a lot. So, even though he's slowly growing to hate it, Rin puts up with it.

They take turns in who uses the shower first; every other day it's Rin's turn to do so. Some of these routines are a little silly, but Rin figures he'll have to stick with them in order to not stir up any unnecessary bickering with Makoto about such mundane things. He knows Makoto's still walking on eggshells around him, and as much as he's trying to soften up and gradually let Makoto in, the other still keeps somewhat of a distance. It's no wonder, since there's still one big barrier between them that Rin should probably tear down now.

So that night, he does. Instead of setting up his usual sleeping place under the kotatsu in the living room, he brings his pillow into the bedroom while Makoto's in the shower. It makes him a little nervous, and he frets Makoto's reaction when he does come back out. Is Rin going to panic and regret this decision? He hopes not. He really wants them to be able to act like they used to — if only he could get over, or at least learn to live with, his immense guilt.

He crawls into bed and pulls the covers over his ears. The duvet smells like Makoto, and it makes Rin's heart race faster. He hasn't slept in the same bed as his supposed-to-be boyfriend in roughly eighteen months, and he wants to think that's a contributing factor to his nervousness. But then there's also the underlying fear that his body won't listen to his mind and make him get out of bed again and go to sleep under the kotatsu. It wasn't a very comfortable place to sleep in, and Rin knows that the only way he'll be properly comfortable to sleep is by Makoto's side.

Rin listens for signs of Makoto as he lies under the duvet. He doesn't hear the water running anymore, so that means he's at least gotten out of the shower. Thinking about Makoto in the shower makes his mind start to wander towards areas he hasn't visited in a long time, and it makes his face heat up. He wants to, he really does, but he wonders if he's ready to take that big leap back into the way things used to be. He hates himself for being such a scaredy-cat, for not being like his former self and just seizing the opportunity when it comes to him.

The door slides open, and Rin peeks out from under the duvet. Makoto walks in, seemingly unaware that the bed's already inhabited, but when he seems to realise, all he does is stop for half a second, but then continue on his merry way with a slight smile on his face. It makes Rin feel a little embarrassed, but it's not too bad. He's not going to back down, not tonight, not ever again. Moving forward is his only option from here on out.

Makoto crawls in under the duvet soon enough, and this is where the silence gets unbearable. When there's two of them enduring said silence, Rin feels like it needs to be penetrated by something, his stupid rambling would probably even suffice.

 _Penetrated_.

He shakes his head fervently to get those thoughts out of his head again, but this time, it doesn't quite work, and it's already started to send signals down to his lower region.

"Makoto?" he mumbles.

"Yeah?"

Finally surfacing from under the duvet, Rin scoots closer. He can't believe he's finally doing this, and wonders what took him so damn long. Why does he have to be such a complicated person? It's been obvious since he came back that this is what Makoto wants, too, so why hold back? Sure, he's scared of screwing up again and hurting Makoto like he's done so many times in the past, but Makoto's told him countless times that this time, he wouldn't just let these things happen. Communication is key, and it's something not only Rin, but the both of them, have to work on.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For treating you like this for so long. For... making things unnecessarily difficult. I'm an idiot."

Makoto laughs softly. "Rin?"

"Yeah."

"Can I hug you?"

"Yeah."

One arm snakes in underneath Rin and around his middle, and the other drapes over him. Makoto pulls him close, so close that Rin's cheek is now resting against Makoto's chest. He hears Makoto's heartbeat; steady, a little faster than a normal one should be, but it makes him feel safe. Grounded,  _home_.

"I've been an idiot, too. I pushed you a little too hard, and it wasn't my intention. So I'm sorry, too. Let's just start over?"

Rin exhales slowly. The scent of Makoto mixed with his lavender soap makes Rin almost feel a little light-headed, but it's a good kind of dizziness. "Yeah, that sounds good."

They lie like that for a few minutes, and finally, the silence isn't uncomfortable anymore. Rin actually quite enjoys it, just listening to Makoto's heartbeat and feeling his chest heave up and down below him as his boyfriend breathes. _He's alive, he's here and he's with me_ , he thinks to himself. As much as he hates to jinx himself, he actually believes that things may turn out okay for him, after all.

"Makoto."

"Yes?"

"I'm going to kiss you."

"Okay."

Without a single shred of hesitation. Good, that's the way it's supposed to be. They're getting better at this, finally. To be fair, the one who needs to improve the most is Rin, but it's nice to know Makoto's letting some of his apprehension go, too. Rin sits up properly and scoots closer to the other man, whose gaze is steady on him, no particular expression, and Rin guesses it has to be because he doesn't want to pressure Rin or anything. This is ridiculous, he doesn't need to be coddled or have his needs constantly tended to.

A little more confident in himself, Rin leans in, hands on both sides of Makoto resting on the mattress below them. Their noses brush together at first, and that tiny little gesture is almost enough to make Rin nervous again. But he's not going to back away — not now when he's made it so far. So he doesn't, and instead lets their lips meet. It's soft, warm, and his heart hammers against his ribcage.

This is pretty much the first time Rin has properly touched Makoto since he moved back to Iwatobi. It feels strange for him to realise, and he's ashamed of it now that he's managed to somewhat get over his dumb issues. He really doesn't deserve such a caring and patient person like Makoto, but since his boyfriend seems intent on staying and keeping him, he can't really complain. Maybe it  _is_ okay for him to indulge, with him actually being in a relationship with Makoto. It's all about giving and receiving, after all. What Rin needs to focus on more is giving, since he's been doing nothing but taking advantage of Makoto's kindness for so long.

At the same time as he wants to go further, Rin also wants to take things a little slow. But Makoto seems to be of a different opinion, as he deepens their kiss and pulls Rin down so he's properly lying on top of Makoto. The heat emanating from his boyfriend's body makes Rin feel even dizzier, and he's glad they're lying down and not standing up, because he's pretty certain his legs would give way under him.

Makoto nibbles on Rin's lower lip, wordlessly asking for permission to go deeper. Rin accepts Makoto's tongue into his mouth, and he lets out a frustrated moan as he shoves one hand in under the duvet to pull Makoto's underwear down. When he does, Makoto slows down and eventually separates from their kiss, and Rin opens his eyes, confused.

"Something wrong?" he asks, voice low. Makoto shakes his head.

"Not  _wrong_ per se, it's just... I don't have any condoms. Do you?"

Rin blinks, dumbfounded. "Oh. Er... no, I don't."

"We should probably wait until we do. Unless you want to just do it by mouth instead."

This time, Rin feels his entire face burn up at Makoto's slightly vulgar comment. Well, he could've said 'suck each other off' or something similar, so Rin should probably be glad he used those words. Even so, Makoto being so upfront is kind of scary, but also nice. The whole concept of them beating around the bush is outdated since a long time ago, and he's glad they seem to both be moving forward from it.

In an effort to stop himself from blushing and get rid of his embarrassment, Rin starts kissing Makoto along his neck and continuing down, sliding the duvet off of him as he does. He pries Makoto's underwear down but not completely off, and just _seeing_  Makoto's more than half-hard erection sends an electric jolt down Rin's underwear, too.

"Fuck, I'd forgotten how goddamn  _big_ you are", he mumbles just before slowly taking Makoto in, and Makoto laughs nervously.

"It... can be a bit of a bother, sometimes. Like when I'm swimming. I'm glad Haru helps me pick out my swimwear, because I don't know how I'd be able to—"

"Oh my  _god_ , Makoto, please don't talk about Haru when I have your dick in my mouth", Rin says, interrupting what he's barely even started. " _You_ might not get soft, but _I_ sure will at this rate."

Makoto squeaks. "Sorry."

Rin rolls his eyes and gets right back to it. It's one of those old habits of Makoto that doesn't seem to ever want to die out. Whenever Makoto gets nervous, he rambles. Whenever he's excited, he rambles, and the excited kind is far worse.

It feels strange to think that he's missed Makoto like this. The feel of him, the taste of him, and the way Makoto's fingers gently twist in his hair. Rin bobs his head up and down, lets his tongue run up and down Makoto's cock and tries to memorise every detail of this moment. It feels a little surreal to think about the fact that he could very well be doing this with Makoto every now and then from now on, just like they used to. The big difference is obviously that they live on their own now, without the risk of having parents or siblings walking in on them.

Occasionally pausing to swallow the pre-cum that gathers in his mouth, Rin starts to speed up his movements when he notices Makoto's getting close to release.

"Rin, I'm going to... come. Get... off", Makoto almost wheezes, but Rin ignores him and continues until Makoto's hips buck up against him, soon followed by his ejaculation. Rin waits for all of the little spurts to finish before he takes his mouth off of Makoto's cock and swallows. He grins.

"Man, I've missed you", he blurts out, and his first instinct is to take it back. But it's the truth, and why hide it when he's gotten this far? He just had Makoto's  _dick_ in his mouth, a little honesty at this point definitely wouldn't hurt.

Makoto smiles fondly, making Rin's heart race again. "I've missed you, too. Now let's switch, it's my turn."

 

* * *

 

 

Rin watches Makoto's chest heave up and down in an even rhythm. They've long since cleaned up and gone to sleep. Well, Rin can't really fall asleep just yet, so he's just lying there, looking at Makoto. He scoots closer and leans his head down onto Makoto's chest, and he sighs. Hearing Makoto's heartbeat beneath his ear is calming, soothing, and it reminds him that this is real and happening right now. It isn't just a dream he's having in that awful dorm room he had in Australia, it's him being in his and Makoto's apartment, in bed with Makoto, in this very moment.

"I love you", he mumbles, but he knows Makoto isn't going to hear him since he's been sound asleep for a while now.

But maybe that's for the better.


	13. 十二

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both good and bad things happen to Rin, and he makes an important decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is late, and I apologise. There's been a bad combination of too much to do at work, and a lack of inspiration, but here it is, finally.

_Rin_.

 

The third time that day when one of the chefs yells at him for slamming down the lid to the washing machine, Rin sighs exasperatedly without a word and goes out the back to get some fresh air and cool his head. He's stressed out to max, doing nothing but hauling load after load of dishes into the machine, sorting out dirty cutlery and washing them twice, carrying out still boiling hot plates into the kitchen where he has to place them  _neatly_ on the shelves. They're literally toying around with him, and even when he's been working far more than he really should have to, he hasn't received a single word of praise.

He leaves work still frustrated and absolutely exhausted, just in time to receive a call. When he pulls his phone out of his pocket, the person whose name he sees on the screen is someone he definitely didn't expect, and that in itself makes him feel bad.

"Hey", he says upon answering.

" _You're terrible with keeping in touch, and I hope you know that. Both Mum and I want to know what's going on in your life, you know._ "

"I'm sorry." When his sister hums on the other end of the line, he sighs. "I really am! I can see you now, though. Are you free?"

" _Oh, so_ now _you have time. Alright, I'm gonna stop teasing you. Come over, I'm too lazy to move. Hard day._ "

 _That makes two of us_ , he thinks ironically before they end the phone call, and he changes path towards his old house instead of his new apartment.

 

* * *

 

Despite how she had sounded on the phone, Gou barely has time to open the door before she jumps straight into her older brother's arms. "Finally", she sighs into the cloth of his shirt. He pats her on the head.

"Lots of stuff happened", he mumbles into her hair. "I don't wanna tell Mum everything, though."

"It's fine; I think she understands that, too. Well, let's go inside instead of standing out here."

Rin follows his sister inside and removes his shoes before they go into the living room. It feels weird, like he's a guest in a house he didn't use to live in for the majority of his life. Now that he's back, he almost feels like he should say the customary 'sorry for intruding' and all those things that would indicate you aren't actually living there. Because now that he lives with Makoto, this isn't his home anymore. Home is a place he's been looking so long to find, but in reality, home has always been in front of his eyes without him realising it. Home is where Makoto is, no — Makoto  _is_ his home. His safe haven, a place, a person whom he can always return to no matter what, knowing he'll be welcomed back without an ounce of hesitation.

When he's been served tea like the kind-of-guest he is, Rin begins to tell his sister of what's been going on in his life for the past few weeks. It feels surreal to recount it all, as if he's telling her about someone else's life, when it's really himself he's talking about. Gou listens without interrupting him, only nodding or humming in response to let Rin know she's still listening. When he's done, Rin sighs and leans back with his hands on the floor behind him, arms stretched out.

"Well", Gou says, smiling a little, "I'm glad things worked out. I knew they would, because you've never been one to give up."

Rin begs to differ, but he doesn't say it. Prime example of him giving up is a very recent event in his life that he'll probably never forget or forgive himself for, even if Makoto tells him at least he has. Even if it feels good to have his boyfriend's support, a still very important part is missing, and that is his own forgiveness towards himself. He wonders if he'll ever get it, but that isn't something he's expecting anytime soon.

"I guess", is a reply he settles for, and Gou sighs, rolling her eyes. She knows, but thankfully, she doesn't continue on the subject.

"So I guess things between you and Makoto-senpai are okay now, huh. You've become actual boyfriends again, right?"

Rin nods. "Yeah. Figured it was about time."

His sister snorts and lightly punches him in the shoulder. "You're right about that one. But what are you going to about the restaurant job, by the way? I mean, you can't continue going like that. If they don't respect you, you should just move onto something else. Anything, as long as you find a workplace where people treat you as a human being."

"Eh, I don't know", he says with a shrug. "Considering how things went when I first went around looking for jobs, I think I'd rather pass on that one. It's a job, it's money — I'll just have to suck it up."

But when he talks to Makoto that evening about the same thing, his boyfriend is of a completely different opinion than himself. Of course; Rin would have been dumb to expect something else from the mother hen himself.

"Rin, you can't let them trample all over you like that. You should talk to your boss or whatever they are. Supervisor?"

Rin laughs. "He's my boss, probably. And... yeah, okay — I'll talk to him. But if I don't get anything out of it, I don't wanna hear anything else on this subject. I'll probably just have to cope with it, because in the end, it gives me money."

"But not as much as you  _should_ earn. Honestly, Rin, it's slavery."

His eyebrows shoot up, and Rin almost drops his jaw. "Did you really just say that? Wow, Makoto. I haven't seen you get so passionate about something so trivial in a long time."

"It's not trivial, it's what you do for a living", Makoto defends himself. "Just promise me you'll talk to him. And if you decide to quit, you know where else you can go. I gave you an offer a few weeks ago, and it still stands."

It takes him a few seconds to remember, but when he does, Rin lets out a little ' _ah'_ -sound. If he were to say that he  _hasn't_ thought about maybe working at the ITSC alongside Makoto, he'd be lying. And the more he's thought about it, the more appealing the idea actually is. He can see himself trying to help children achieve their dreams, dreams similar to the one Rin gave up because it wasn't really his to begin with and never quite became, either.

"I... might think about it", he says, even though he already has thought plenty about giving up the restaurant job and going back to swimming. Well, technically,  _he_ wouldn't be the one swimming, he'd just teach others. Others who might be better at fulfilling dreams and keeping promises than he is.

 

* * *

 

 **Haru** : _Come to dinner, take Makoto with you. Sousuke thinks you two are being too unsocial. Six is fine_.

 

Rin snorts at how Haru's message sounds more like a demand than an invitation to dinner.

"Makoto, we're having dinner at Haru's and Sousuke's", he calls out into the bedroom where Makoto is. Haru's text comes a  _little_ late, Rin thinks. What if he and Makoto were already about to start making their own dinner? Not that they are, they haven't even gone grocery shopping — but that's beside the point. Makoto had gone shopping for some toiletries on his way home from work, but that was about it.

It's currently just about five, so they have an hour until they're supposed to arrive outside the Nanase/Yamazaki household. With the way things have gone with those two in the past few weeks, Rin can't help but wonder if there's an ulterior motive behind this dinner. But what could they possibly want at this point? Rin has already told Makoto pretty much everything, and they know that in time, Rin will fill them in on the details, too. He shakes the thought off just as Makoto comes back out. He sits down behind Rin with his legs on each side of his boyfriend, and Rin leans back against his chest.

"We don't have to go if you don't want to", Makoto says, as if he's reading Rin's mind. Well, it wouldn't surprise him, as Makoto seems to always have been able to do that.

He shakes his head. "No, we'll go. Unless  _you_ don't want to."

"Oh no, I do want to go. Well, good, that means we won't have to cook tonight. I wonder which one of them is responsible for dinner this time."

Rin groans. "Hopefully Haru. I'm not in the mood for pork, I feel like I'll get a heartburn."

Makoto laughs and kisses him on the top of his head.

When they arrive outside Haru's and Sousuke's house — Rin still can't believe it's Sousuke's now, too — Rin is the one to ring the doorbell. It's an unfamiliar gesture to him, being used to just barging in whenever he feels like it. But they've grown up now, sort of, and he's supposed to act like an adult. And a guest, which is also a first for him. Probably Makoto, too.

Haru opens the door and greets them with his usually unenthusiastic tone and ushers them inside. As Rin had feared, Sousuke is the one in the kitchen in charge of dinner, and he crosses his fingers that his  _entire_ prediction isn't correct.

"Welcome to our humble abode", Sousuke calls out to them, and Rin hears Haru snort behind him as the three of them walk into the living room.

"Don't implode with making all that effort, Sousuke", Haru says with a sigh, and Sousuke laughs. They're such a gross domestic heap of fluff, and Rin almost finds himself being jealous of it, wanting the same kind of easiness that Haru and Sousuke seem to have in their relationship. Maybe in time, they'll be able to achieve it, and if so — Rin is more than willing to give it time. If only Makoto is, too.

It doesn't take long for dinner to be served, and Rin finds out with half-disappointment that it's chicken katsu. At least it isn't pork, but it's still  _katsu_ , and too heavy of a meal for him to eat. Makoto seems to notice as he sends Rin a sympathetic look, but Rin stomachs the entire thing, not wanting to upset the chef. It isn't a quick and easy meal to make, after all, so he might as well.

When dinner's over, Rin sighs in relief, glad that he can mask it with feeling full. Haru serves them green tea, and the four of them... hang out. Well, as much as this could be called 'hanging out'; Rin still isn't sure.

"You know", he points out, raising an eyebrow at his best friend, "the last time we 'hung out', you punched me in the face. So excuse me for still being a little apprehensive."

Sousuke chokes on his water, and Haruka glares at Rin before proceeding to pat his boyfriend on the back to ease his coughing. When he's calmed down, Sousuke sighs. "I know, and I'm sorry. I didn't... mean for it to go that far. I'll let you punch me so we're even. That fair?"

"Sousuke, I don't think that's a good idea", Makoto interjects with that worried mother hen voice of his that Rin usually finds annoying, but now thinks is kind of cute. "Violence doesn't solve problems — talking does."

Rin waves a hand dismissively. "We already solved our problems through talking. Unless there's something else you want to bring up?"

Sousuke shrugs. "Nah, I'm good. It's cool."

"Right, good", Makoto says, and he seems relieved, too. It's a process, but they'll eventually get over this awkward hurdle in their way. As with all relationships, it takes time and patience to heal them. He has a few of them to mend, but Rin has confidence in the fact that he won't screw it up this time. That he won't be a walking tornado and destroy everything in his path once again. Because if he's about to, he's pretty sure Makoto's going to hold him down and set things straight before they go completely to hell.

Sousuke and Rin eventually manage to joke around just like they used to, while Haruka and Makoto have their own conversation that Rin isn't paying attention to. He feels lighter, happier,  _free_ , and it's such a good feeling. To finally — well, mostly — be free from his own mental prison and self-loathing and be able to accept his friends' and boyfriend's support without having to feel guilty about it. It didn't have to be so difficult, but he's not surprised  _he'd_ been the one to make it that way to begin with. He's learnt his lesson from this, and most importantly, Rin feels like he's actually grown and matured, too.

 

* * *

 

The next day as he spends the first half of it skewering chicken and then washing pots and pans, one of the chefs comes over to yell at him for not having done a good enough job the day before. Someone actually steps in and defends him, saying that those bowls won't  _get_ any cleaner because that's the way they look after having been used so many times. It doesn't make the chef happy, still, and the argument continues until Rin takes his apron off, and it's as if everything around them stops when he does. As if he's got the power to stop time by just removing a part of his work attire.

"I'm done", he says. "I quit."

And when he goes down to get changed back into his casual clothes, the woman who previously had looked at exactly  _everyone_  — yes, including Rin, of course — comes down the stairs. Rin almost expects her to continue the screaming fest, but she doesn't. Instead, she puts a hand on his shoulder, and Rin finds the gesture so odd that he can't help but raise his eyebrows at it.

"I'm sorry for how they've treated you", she says. "This place is a fucking dump, I know, and most of the people working here are absolute assholes."

 _No disagreeing there_ , he thinks ironically, even including her... well, up until now, perhaps? Because right now, she's completely different from what she's usually like. Not at all cold and distant, and not at all radiating that 'I hate everyone' aura that always emits from her body.

"It's fine. I guess this wasn't for me, after all", he replies and tries a little smile. He's still a little bitter, though, and wonders where the hell Sousuke had heard that this place was a  _good_ restaurant to work at. False advertising at its finest, that's for sure.

"Sorry to see you go. But hey, I'll probably see you around."

"Yeah."

She claps him twice on his shoulder before disappearing, and Rin almost thinks she's  _nice_ , before he comes back to his senses and goes back up the stairs up into the restaurant again. He doesn't bother going after his boss to tell him he's quitting — he'll take the easy way out and send a text message instead. They don't really deserve that kind of courtesy from him, anyway, with the way he's been treated from the very start.

Exiting the restaurant makes him feel weird, but in a good way. There's almost an urge to turn around and flip the building off, but Rin refrains from doing so and instead starts walking. It's right about lunch time, so Rin decides to try and give his sister a call. Maybe she's on lunch, and wants to meet up — at least Rin hopes so. He still has a lot of time to make up for not having seen her, but this will only be the beginning of his atonement. He also figures he should tell her about him quitting his job before she finds out some other way, and if she does, he knows the confrontation wouldn't be a pretty one. Gou can be really scary when she wants to, and Rin definitely doesn't want to get on her bad side again. _  
_

" _Hello?_ " a voice greets him on the other end of the line as he turns the corner.

"Hey, are you on lunch break soon?"

" _Just about to. Are you?_ "

"Kind of. I'll come meet you, lunch is on me."

" _This sounds bad. What did you do?_ "

He sighs exasperatedly. "I'll tell you soon. So? Lunch or what?"

" _If you're buying? Of course. I'll be outside in five_."

 

* * *

 

"Oh,  _finally_! That took you long enough."

Rin shushes his sister and looks around the diner. Thankfully, she hasn't brought attention to herself, and Rin can continue talking. They've just finished eating, and Rin is about to order himself a coffee, and Gou probably one of her sickeningly sweet tea concoctions. He's amazed by the fact that she's never had a single cavity in her entire life, as much of a sweet tooth as she has.

"Yeah, yeah — I know. But I did like you and Makoto said, and I quit. I knew I couldn't keep working there with the way things were going. Those idiots deserve doing all that dirty work themselves."

Gou supports her elbow on the table and leans her chin into her palm. "Well, I'm glad you  _did_ leave that place, but do you know where you'll go next?"

"Kind of." Rin chews on the inside of his cheek, feeling bad about going through with his second option. Even if Makoto has told him he'd be able to fit Rin in at ITSC, he feels bad about having Makoto do everything for him once again. Maybe he should just be grateful and take the opportunity that was given to him, but there's a slight apprehension that tells him he shouldn't just use people like that. And of course, it isn't as if he's  _using_  Makoto — he doesn't actually want to — but it would almost feel like it, seeing as Makoto works there himself.

"Kind of?"

"Makoto offered me to look for a position for me at the Iwatobi Swim Club, but I feel bad about asking him now."

His younger sister clicks her tongue and rolls her eyes before she calls a waiter over. "Don't feel bad. He offered you for a reason. I assume you want coffee?"

When he comes back home, Makoto has yet to show up. Of course, because he's probably at the swim club by now. Rin wonders if maybe he should drop by, he  _is_ curious about seeing Makoto teach, after all. And maybe this would be a good opportunity for him to maybe catch Sasabe as well, and ask if there's a possibility he could start helping out there.

So without even removing his shoes, Rin leaves the apartment again and makes his way over to ITSC. He almost feels a little nervous; what if the offer from Makoto no longer stands, if there  _isn't_ a position available anymore? It has been a few weeks after all, and things might've changed. Well, there's no telling unless he goes to find out, so Rin shakes the weird thoughts off of him as he nears ITSC. He remembers coming here in his last year of high school when they raced Iwatobi for fun, and it also makes him think about how different Sousuke and Haru had been towards each other back then. To think that the two of them are  _dating_ now is still a strange thought, even though he'd just been at their house for dinner yesterday.

"Welcome to ITSC", the receptionist says to him as he walks in. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, er... is Tachibana Makoto teaching right now?"

"He is, his class ends in fifteen minutes. Are you here to see him?"

"Well, I was thinking I'd go up and watch him teach. If that's okay."

She smiles and nods. "That's fine. What's your shoe size?"

Rin receives a pair of slippers to wear inside, and then goes up to join the few parents who are watching their kids swim as well. When he looks down from the big glass pane window, he immediately spots Makoto standing by the edge of the pool, instructing one of the children to swim backstroke. Rin smiles to himself. Of course it's backstroke, it's Makoto's speciality, after all.

He can't help but notice just how the swimsuit brings out every contour of Makoto's muscles, and Rin swallows hard, feeling hot all of a sudden. This is pure terror, why did he decide to come here and watch Makoto teach? Sure, it's cool to see him like this, but it's also very,  _very_ cruel.

"Liking the view?"

Rin jumps and turns around at the voice behind him, and he's met with coach Sasabe's huge grin. He blinks. "Huh?"

"Seeing Makoto teach."

"Oh." Oh.  _Man_ , that could've been awkward. "Yes, it's very interesting to see him like this. I can't believe it's the first time I'm seeing him coach."

It's a good thing Rin can be very good at fast recoveries, because even if he doesn't take Sasabe for the sharpest knife in the drawer, he'd probably still notice there was something off about Rin's reaction. "He  _is_ a really good coach, and good with kids in general, too. See, I wanted to ask you if you were interested in maybe starting to work here?"

Rin raises his eyebrows. Can this man read minds? Part of the reason he came to ITSC in the first place was to ask Sasabe if he could work there, and now he's being  _asked_ to do it. Quitting his job at that awful restaurant couldn't have been done sooner.

"I... I would love to, actually. It's funny, because I came here to ask you if you still had a spot open. I heard from Makoto a while back that you were looking for people to help out."

Sasabe absolutely  _beams_ at him, and claps him on the shoulders with a little too much force, causing some of the parents around them to glance at them oddly. "Of course! I want someone like you especially, since we've gotten a foreign kid in recently who doesn't speak much Japanese at all. He came from the UK a few months ago, so things are still a little new and probably scary for him. You think you could take care of him and be kind of his own personal coach for a bit, as well as helping Makoto?"

Rin has been thirsting for a challenge for quite some time now, and while this isn't one he'd normally think could come his way, it's still something that greatly interests him. He's been in this kid's shoes before, too, coming to a new country and barely speaking the language — surely this is something he can pull off. It's something he hasn't felt like in ages, but this time, it just feels like he might be able to make a difference.

"I would be honoured", Rin replies, and the next two pats that land on his shoulder are strong enough to almost make him topple over.

 

* * *

 

 

When Makoto's finished his last class of the day, Rin goes down to meet him with a towel. All of the kids have left with their parents, and coach Sasabe has gone into his office to get some papers ready for Rin to sign before he can start coming in, which is already the next day. He still can't believe he's going to be working  _here_ alongside Makoto from now on. It's taken him a trip to Australia, a whole lot of self-loathing and soul-searching, but now he's here. He's found something else he can make into a dream of his, something to strive towards every day that'll get him out of bed.

"Ah, Rin — you're here!" Makoto says as he comes out from the pool area out to the reception. Rin walks up to him and puts the towel around his shoulders before standing on his toes to kiss his boyfriend.

"Good work today. That job really suits you", he says, and Makoto flushes a bright red.

"Thank you. What made you come here? No offence, I'm glad you did, but—"

"I quit my job today", Rin interrupts, and Makoto's jaw drops.

"Really? Oh, I'm glad! Well, you know what I mean. But also... what'll you do now?"

Rin can't help but grin widely. "Work here. Talked to Sasabe while I was watching you coach, and he offered me a position here. I'll mostly help out that new kid to begin with, though."

Makoto returns the smile and hugs him. "I'm so glad for you, Rin. I'm looking forward to working with you from now on. It's going to be great."

"Yeah", Rin sighs.

After Makoto's gathered his things, Rin signs the necessary papers and shakes Sasabe's hand before the two of them say goodbye and head back home. It's been a strange day, filled with both good and bad things, but in the end, it all worked out in Rin's favour. He's being carefully optimistic, though; not wanting to say anything in case things do start to go downhill again. But of course, that's something he'll try his best to prevent.

"Ah, I can't  _wait_ to get into the shower", Makoto says as they walk inside. Rin locks the door behind him and takes his shoes off, just before Makoto pulls him in for an embrace. "Join me? I've had a long day and could use some stress relief."

The purr in Makoto's voice is unmistakeable, and Rin shudders, his heart suddenly pounding in his chest. "Yeah. I guess that makes two of us, then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and smut next week! HA. (hides from the eggs being thrown at me)
> 
> The next chapter is the end (technically), and then there's an epilogue that follows. Just a heads-up!


	14. 完 -end-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Properly getting some use out of one of those tags in this chapter.)
> 
> Rin finally bonds with his boyfriend again after so long, and he starts working at ITSC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another super late update, and I apologise deeply for that. I guess I'm kinda dreading having to write the end of this fic, hahaha. The next chapter (the epilogue) shouldn't take _too_ long. At least not a month.

_Rin_.

 

Makoto takes his hand, leading him towards the bathroom. But a sudden thought enters his mind, and Rin stops, making Makoto stop as well, and turn around with a confused expression.

"Something wrong?"

"We still don't have any condoms", Rin says. "I can go out now and get some, before I take my clothes off and get into the shower."

Makoto smiles at him. "Nothing to worry about. I did that earlier."

Rin's eyebrows skyrocket just before Makoto starts walking again, and he follows. So  _that's_ what Makoto went to buy at the pharmacy earlier. He wonders when Makoto got so brave and stopped blushing at anything even remotely sexy or vulgar. Maybe it's because he's been hanging out with Haru and Sousuke a lot, and Rin knows that the two of them are the last people on Earth to be ashamed of buying condoms and probably even sex toys. The thought of either of them having or  _using_ sex toys makes Rin almost go soft again, and he forces himself back into reality where he's being led into the shower room.

Without hesitating, the brunet pushes Rin up against the wall and captures his lips in a kiss before he even has a chance of trying to grasp what's going on. Not that it matters, anyway; as long as Makoto's there, he knows he'll be fine. And he can feel that Makoto's trying to tell him that, too, with the way Makoto's taking things almost excruciatingly slow. His boyfriend pulls down his trousers, only for them to fall down to Rin's ankles. He kicks them off of him and then helps get Makoto undressed, too, all the while not even once letting his lips separate from Makoto's. He's almost _afraid_ of letting go at this point.

When they're both completely naked, Rin takes the initiative to lead Makoto into the shower. With the hot water now streaming down on them, he's pushed against the wall and immediately feels Makoto's body pressed up against his. The brunet peppers kisses down his neck before coming back up again, and brings a hand around Rin's more than just half-hard length. He lets out a hiss and puts his own hand on Makoto's ass, making the other flinch. He grins against Makoto's lips.

"Don't tell me you just now got embarrassed all of a sudden", he murmurs. Makoto makes a small, groaning sound.

"A little, maybe. Maybe we should actually  _shower_ first. I don't want to finish this in here."

Rin hums. "Good point. Turn around and I'll wash your hair, and then you do mine."

The two of them take turns in washing each other's hair, and Rin finds it incredibly difficult to not just try and have sex with his boyfriend right then and there. No, he can't — he wants to do it right, and that doesn't mean a quickie in the shower. Rin wants it to be slow, passionate, and done somewhere they can actually lie down and be comfortable. And that's  _definitely_  not in the shower, as sexy as it may be. _  
_

They barely have time to properly dry themselves with the towels before they're discarded haphazardly in a pile on the floor by the bed, and then Rin lies on top of Makoto on the bed, almost feeling like he could devour the man below him. He's hungry for attention, sex, warmth, intimacy,  _love_ , and he knows that the only one who can give it to him is Makoto. Anyone else and it wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be what he wants and needs.

Without breaking the kiss, Makoto stretches over to his nightstand and pulls out the goods he'd previously gotten at the pharmacy, including a box of napkins, and Rin feels his heartbeat increase when he takes a quick glance at them. Because, holy crap — they're finally doing this again, after all these months. They're almost back to the way things used to be, and as much as the thought of it used to terrify Rin before, it doesn't now. It makes sense, it makes him feel relief and like he's safe. Like he's home.

Makoto coats his fingers in lube before wordlessly asking Rin for permission to go further, upon which Rin just nods before kissing Makoto again. The taller man circles his entrance with an index finger, and Rin breaks the kiss involuntarily, arching his back at the sensation, and he feels himself tighten up, too. But Makoto doesn't stop; his circulating motions are gentle, slow and patient, and just as Rin is about to tell Makoto to just get on with it, he does.

"Oh my  _god_ ", he says breathlessly, and Makoto laughs a little.

"It doesn't hurt?"

"No. Keep going."

Rin feels himself slowly get used to Makoto's finger moving in and out of him, just about touching — teasing — his prostate. Soon enough, one digit becomes two, and Rin takes his hands off of Makoto to let his fingers grasp at the sheets below for purchase. His knees have started to shake, and he feels like he might just collapse on top of his boyfriend any second now, but he can't. He wants to wait at least until Makoto's done fingering and preparing him, and thankfully, it probably won't be too long until then. Having completely forgotten about himself, Rin brings one shaky hand to his cock and begins pumping it in order to not have it go soft again. He feels Makoto's eyes on him as he does, but he doesn't actually care.

"You're gonna be the death of me one day", Makoto mumbles as he curls his fingers inside of Rin, who gasps at the sensation.

"What— why?"

"Because you look so sexy right now. I'm getting really impatient, but I know I can't do anything until you're ready."

Rin moans as Makoto removes his fingers, only to push them back in again. "Then do it. I'm impatient, too."

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you."

"I know", he says, slightly annoyed. "You won't hurt me, I promise. Just please fuck me already, I'm about to explode."

Makoto laughs what sounds like a nervous laugh before he complies, taking his fingers out again and takes out a few napkins to wipe his hand off. Rin gets off of the other man and then lies down on his back on his side of the bed as Makoto gets up to put a condom on.

Seeing Makoto like this, without anything to hide and being there all for Rin to see, experience and feel almost makes him emotional. To think he completely took it for granted and then threw it away when he left for Australia. Rin really considers himself lucky that Makoto was so willing to take him back despite everything that happened, despite everything he'd done.

Barely stopping in between, Makoto slowly inserts his cock, and Rin lets out a moan that he can't suppress, no matter how hard he tries. He brings his hands to Makoto's back, pulling the other man closer to him, and in doing so also pushing Makoto even deeper. He feels himself stretch out even more, and it hurts, but it's a good kind of pain. Makoto's being gentle,  _too_ gentle, and Rin pushes his hips up to meet his boyfriend, and the other gasps as he finally goes all the way in.

"Shit... Makoto..."

"Good?"

"Yeah. Hell yeah."

He releases a trembling breath and closes his eyes as Makoto begins to move. He moves slowly, excruciatingly so, and it makes Rin agitated. He knows Makoto's just trying to make it last, though, and while he's of the same sentiment... this is borderline teasing. When he makes an impatient moaning sound, that sounds more like a dying whale than anything, Makoto laughs a little.

"Something wrong?"

"Are you even  _inside_ yet?! I can't feel a thing down here." Even though he can, but it's still not enough, and Makoto probably knows he doesn't mean he doesn't actually feel anything. Makoto's too huge for Rin  _not_ to feel anything even if he's not all the way in.

"I wanted to take it slow", Makoto says, almost sounding apologetic, and Rin pulls him down for a kiss, both to shut him up and because he already misses Makoto's lips against his own.

"I know, but... fuck that, okay? Just act like you haven't seen me in ages."

"But I am."

Rin sighs exasperatedly. "You know what I mean!"

Makoto smiles, eyes crinkling a little on the sides, and the little glint in those insanely green eyes tells Rin he's practically just dug his own grave. Good, because this is definitely one of the best ways to go. "I guess I do", the brunet replies, and then he thrusts into Rin with a force that almost immediately sends him up to cloud nine, and he can't hold his loud moans in.  _I don't mind if I die now_ , is the thought that goes through his mind as Makoto's impossibly huge cock thrusts in and out of him. Sweat beads are forming on his forehead and slowly trickling down his face, but he doesn't care, because anything else in this situation would've just seemed odd, like he  _isn't_ enjoying it and like he  _isn't_ feeling anything, just as he'd told Makoto to make his boyfriend finally move.

He's missed the feeling of Makoto in general so much that now when he's finally with his boyfriend again like this, he doesn't want to let go. They'll have to pry him off of Makoto for that to happen, really; he knows he'll be really clingy for a while now and hopes Makoto will forgive him for it and cope with it.

Ah, who's he kidding — of course Makoto's going to put up with it and forgive him — it's  _Makoto_ , for god's sake. The man who finds it almost too easy to forgive, according to Rin. He has quite some work to do in order to properly feel like he deserves this man with all his love and affection.

Makoto's hand grasps Rin's length, and he begins pumping it up and down, running his thumb over Rin's slit occasionally and shamelessly smearing the pre-cum leaking down. Rin has to resist the urge of clawing angry, red marks into Makoto's back, knowing it'd probably be  _very_  awkward if someone came into the locker room when he's getting changed at work.

In a way, it's a good thing Makoto doesn't wear the same swimwear he used when he swam every day in high school now that he works as a coach, because it'd obviously be even more awkward in a situation like that. Rin shudders at the thought of getting Makoto sacked over such a thing, and keeps his fingertips against Makoto's back instead of his nails.

"Rin, I'm close", Makoto grunts, and Rin nods fervently, pathetically whimpering in response to tell Makoto he's almost there, too. Their rhythms are unsynchronised now, hips crashing into each other and probably creating bruises, but it doesn't matter. It isn't supposed to be perfect, but in Rin's mind, it still kind of is, in their own way and by their own definition.

Rin comes with a loud cry, and not too long after, Makoto comes, too, albeit with a lot less screaming. The taller man collapses on top of Rin, and all they do for a few minutes is try to come off of their post-sex high and regulate their breathing. Rin enjoys it, though; likes the feeling of Makoto's hammering heart against his own chest, and the way Makoto's chest feels against his when he's breathing so heavily. It's another one of those things that reminds Rin of the fact that this is happening right now, that he's with Makoto and that this is the way he's always wanted it to be. This is home.

 

* * *

 

"Go on", Sasabe whispers in his direction, nudging him in the side, "introduce yourself!"

Rin rubs his neck and clears his throat. There are ten children sitting on the floor in front of him, looking up at him with expectation and curiosity glowing in their eyes. He's been in similar situations before, but that was when he transferred to different schools. This is far different, because this time, he's a swimming coach and the one  _in charge_ of everything. Well, Sasabe's going to be watching him, and he knows Makoto's sitting upstairs and watching him through the window he'd been watching Makoto the other day. Other than that, he's in control, and it's as much exciting as it is scary.

"My name is Matsuoka Rin, and I'll be your coach from today on. I may have a girly name, but I assure you that I'm very much a man."

There are a few giggles heard, and he makes a mental fist pump at the victory. It reminds him of when he'd said the same joke to his new classmates in Australia, and he'd been met with an awkward silence, and students looking at each other as if they were wondering whether Rin was human or an alien in disguise. This time, it actually went home, and it instantly makes him feel better about how this day will proceed from now on.

"I look forward to working with you", he says and bows, and the students greet him with a similar response, everyone almost screaming in unison. He straightens his back and grins. Think positive thoughts. A new outlook on things, a smile on his lips and the support of his boyfriend is all Rin really needs to know that he'll be okay. That even if he screws things up, he'll do all he can to fix it again.

It'll be fine. He'll be fine, he and Makoto will be fine, too. As long as he promises not to run away again as soon as he encounters a problem or causes it himself, it'll be okay. It's something he still has to tell himself to get it to stick, but he'll get there in time.

While Sasabe offers to take care of the group, Rin takes on the task of trying to get closer to the British kid, trying to get him talking and earning his trust so that maybe Rin can teach him some basic Japanese in order to make him fit in with the group better. Not only that, but to make his stay here in Japan a whole lot more enjoyable, of course.

He bends down next to the boy, who's standing by the side of the pool with a hesitant look on his face. "You doing okay?"

The boy flinches a little and looks at Rin in surprise. "You speak English?"

Rin's sharp-toothed grin returns. "Yeah. I've lived in Australia back and forth a couple of times. Studied there for a few years when I was about your age."

"But you're Japanese?"

"Yep. I'll teach you some basic phrases if you want. I think it'd make things easier for you. And at the same time, I'll coach you in swimming. Sound good?"

The little dark-blond boy looks at him with a little less hesitance, and after a few seconds of consideration, he nods. "Okay."

"Good. What's your name?"

"Matthew", he replies, and Rin nods.

"Nice to meet you, Matthew. What's your favourite swim style?"

 

* * *

 

His first day on the job goes far better than he could've ever expected. Makoto had joined them about halfway through, and Sasabe left them to their own devices. It's strange to think that this will be reality for them soon; just he and Makoto teaching the kids on their own. It's overwhelming to think about, but also a little exciting. There's a lot of potential in the kids in Rin's group, and he hopes he'll be able to inspire them to continue swimming even after their classes with him have ended. It's a sport that still has a special place in his heart, despite all of the troubles it's caused him in the past. Swimming is what defines him, after all, whether it'd be him swimming for himself or him teaching others to swim.

Sousuke was right; you  _can_ change your dream. And Rin doesn't really want to think that he's given up on one, he's just changed it to make it into his own, and his dream only. Not the one his father used to have, because that was a dream that belonged to him and always should have. It's a shame it took Rin this long to realise, but it's also a lot better late than never.

That night, Rin flops down onto the bed with an exhausted sigh. It's an exhaustion he's actually okay with, unlike the one that came from him working at that restaurant where he did nothing but slave work for people who didn't know a thing about respect. This is a job where he feels like a little criticism will only do him good. It's something he can actually see himself work with, to teach others about a dream he once had and to pass on that passion to people whose futures are still not set in stone.

"Good first day at work?" Makoto asks as he joins his boyfriend in bed. Rin smiles.

"Yeah. I really enjoyed it. A nice bonus to keep my English up and running, too."

The brunet laughs. "I noticed how glad it made you. I'm happy for you. I think this'll be good. For the both of us."

"Me too."


	15. 結語 -epilogue-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the beginning, or the beginning of the end.

**THREE MONTHS LATER.**

 

Makoto's fingers twist in his hair, sometimes pulling a bit, but it doesn't hurt too bad. It's to be expected, after all, since if he  _didn't_ have anything to occupy his hands with, he'd go crazy and probably anger the neighbours. And Rin really doesn't want that to happen again — last time having been a very awkward, and very memorable, experience.

"Ri—  _ah_!"

Rin takes his mouth off of Makoto's cock with a very lewd, wet  _pop_ , and looks up. "Sorry, did it hurt? I didn't mean to."

"N-no, it was just... it felt... good. Really good. Do that again."

He frowns a little. "You sure? It wasn't really on purpose, you know."

"I... I know. But I liked it. Please? I'm so close..."

"Fine. Don't blame me if you get bite marks, weirdo."

Makoto laughs nervously, but it's quickly replaced by a long, dragged out moan when Rin goes back to what he was previously doing. He carefully applies his teeth, very lightly lets them sink in, and Makoto's fingers once again grasp his hair. Alternating between using his teeth — he still can't believe Makoto actually  _likes_ it, that pervert — he uses his tongue and runs it up and down the veins as he takes Makoto in and then out again. He's glad he's aleady had the chance to come, otherwise Rin would most definitely be in desperate need for ejaculation by this point. He silently thanks his boyfriend for getting him off first.

Honestly, Rin can't really complain — this is a pretty good way to spend a Sunday afternoon, after all.

When Makoto comes, he does so whilst biting down on his knuckles and suppressing the most of his moans. Rin gets up on his knees and wipes his mouth with a triumphant grin. Makoto looks at him, but only for a second before he turns his gaze away again, his ears going red with embarrassment. Rin laughs.

"Oh, how the tables have turned."

"Please stop teasing me", Makoto says before he stands up. "Let's go make dinner already."

 

* * *

 

The little girl named Sachiko with a dark-blue bathing suit looks up at Rin with ever so slightly more confidence than a few minutes before, but she still looks a little hesitant on whether or not she'll be able to actually float in the water on her own this time. Rin just nods to her, assures her that he's there and that he'll catch her if she doesn't manage to float right away. He's tried to for quite a few minutes now, but it finally seems like she's starting to get the hang of it, this time being the first he isn't going to support her with a hand under her stomach.

"I'm doing it", she says.

"Yeah."

Sachiko takes a deep breath, stretches her hands out in front of her and lets her feet lift off of the pool floor. Soon enough, her legs float up as well, and she's properly floating on her own. She almost looks like a starfish with her arms and legs spread out wide like that, but at least she's properly floating now, compared to before when her legs kept sinking. Rin can't help but grin with pride, and seconds later, Sachiko plops up again, trying to catch her breath.

"I did it, coach Matsuoka!"

"See? I told you you'd be able to. Just believe in yourself, and you'll eventually be able to do it. Don't give up, okay? Take your time."

She nods, and goes back to float-training. Rin keeps the smile on his face as Makoto makes his way over to him. Coach Sasabe hasn't been around in all day except for in the morning when they met him in the reception and said their usual morning greetings. 

"It seems we have to finish up early today. Sasabe wants us to come into his office — he's apparently got something to talk to us about."

Oh, speak of the devil. Rin frowns a little and looks back at the little group of children to make sure they're still doing okay without the two of them helping out. "Did he say what?"

"No, but it seemed pretty important. You doing okay?"

"I'm fine", he replies with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Is Matthew talking anything with the others yet?"

"A bit. He's getting better at it, though, and it's all thanks to you." Makoto grins, and Rin feels a blush creep into his cheeks.

"Shut up."

Rin has been training Matthew in simple Japanese after every swimming session for the past few weeks as some kind of private lesson. It had been very slow and a bit frustrating at first, seeing as the boy's pronunciation had been way off, but he's finally started to get the hang of it and can make simple conversation now. Rin can't really be mad at him; he'd been pretty much the same way when he first came to Australia in middle school, having to go through all of his classes and speaking to everyone in English.

It's almost scary how much Rin sees himself in Matthew, and maybe that's why things click so well between them, why the little boy seems to be able to relax more around Rin. It makes him feel weirdly proud, though, knowing he's finally doing something good for others again. But then there's also that whole authority thing, with him being someone of somewhat of an authority figure to the children he's coaching. Having someone look up to you instead of the other way around feels incredibly strange, but Rin doesn't mind getting used to it, either.

Since Rin started working at ITSC, Makoto's quit his job at the beach shop to join Rin for full-time at the swimming club. They sometimes get help from a coach from a neighbouring town's swimming club, but for the most part, they both feel like their workload and groups are pretty manageable. It seems like it's only going to get more hectic soon, however, as there are more children about to enroll in swimming lessons as the current season is about to end.

The two coaches finish their lesson, saying goodbye to the kids, and clean up around the pool before going to see coach Sasabe in his office. Rin almost wonders if they're getting fired, considering how serious it all had sounded when Makoto approached him about it not too long ago. But that wouldn't really make any sense, since Sasabe had told him a while ago that they really needed all the help they could get at ITSC. Not feeling a whole lot wiser about the situation going inside Sasabe's office, Rin can't help but feel a little nervous.

"Oh, hey, you two! Good work today. How was it?"

"It was fun", Makoto replies. "They're really learning fast, all of them. It seems like we'll be able to move onto more difficult training soon."

Sasabe nods, looking pleased with Makoto's answer. "Good, good. Have a seat, don't look so scared! Jeez, Rin — you look like you've seen a ghost."

Rin and Makoto both take two chairs and sit down by Sasabe's desk. If Rin  _isn't_ supposed to look or feel scared, then what's he supposed to feel when he has absolutely no idea what's going on or why they've been called into the office in the first place? Maybe he shouldn't be jumping to conclusions, but it's pretty difficult when you're in a situation like this, when it could depend on whether or not you get to continue working with something you've come to truly love.

"So", Sasabe says and leans forward, elbows resting on the desk. "You two probably think you're getting fired, huh?"

Rin blinks in confusion. "We're not?"

This time, the Iwatobi High team's former coach roars with laughter. "Fired? No, oh no — not even close. I'm actually going to be leaving ITSC, because I have other things I want to do. I've run this place for... well, ITSC Returns has only been around since the time Makoto and the others started the swimming club back in high school, but you know what I mean. I've been here for quite a while, and I feel like it's time to move on. I need to see something new."

"So?" Rin prompts. "What, you're just gonna close this place down again? What're we gonna do, look for new jobs?"

"Rin", Makoto says with a hushed voice next to him, putting a hand on Rin's arm. Rin frowns and looks down at his other hand, balled into a fist in his lap.

"I'm not going to close down ITSC Returns", Sasabe says. "I'm going to put you two in charge of it."

Makoto's hand flinches on top of Rin's, and they both look up at their boss with wide eyes. "What?" they say in unison, making him laugh again.

"I said, I'm putting you two in charge of ITSC Returns. Of course, I'm not abandoning you forever — I'll be back occasionally to check up on everything, but you'll be officially in charge. What do you say?"

The two boyfriends exchange shocked looks, and Makoto laughs nervously.

"I don't know... if I'd be able to handle it. I have no idea how to run an establishment like this."

Sasabe waves him off dismissively. "I'll teach you all you need to know, of course. So what do you say, are you up for it?"

Rin looks at Makoto again, and the other looks as clueless as he feels. It's an incredibly daunting thought, being put in charge of this entire swimming club and everything that goes on inside and around it. But at the same time, it's kind of exciting to know they'd be put in charge of it, being given the freedom to do pretty much whatever they want. They could hire more coaches to lessen their workload, they could probably start teaching older age groups once they're permitted to... there are a lot of possibilities beyond the scary things. And maybe it'd be worth it. Just maybe, it's worth taking such a huge risk again. Because this time, he isn't alone in doing it. Makoto's here with him, and if he's willing to, then what says Rin can't actually succeed?

"I am", he finally says, turning his hand up to properly take Makoto's hand in his. "If Makoto is, of course."

Makoto looks at him with a hint of uncertainty in his facial features. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It's a little scary, sure — but I think it sounds fun. I mean, hell — if Sasabe's been able to run this place pretty much on his own, then what says the two of us can't?"

"Hey, are you saying this is easy to do?" Sasabe jokes, and Makoto laughs nervously.

"I... guess I'm in, too. If Rin is. It does sound fun, and... yeah. Yeah, I'll do it."

Sasabe clasps his hands together and grins widely. "I knew I could count on you two! Don't worry, I'll tell you all you need to know, and just ask me if there's anything you're wondering about. We'll go over this in the coming days, there's no hurry just yet."

 

* * *

 

As expected, Sousuke and Haru look at each other with disbelieving expressions before turning towards Makoto and Rin again. At least Gou's first reaction had been a positive one, and she'd hugged both of them, wishing them luck and promising she'd come and visit as often as she could. Which Rin isn't really looking forward to, since having his younger sister there would obviously be embarrassing.

Still, he's secretly glad she'd be willing to come watch them every now and then. Just... maybe not  _too_ often.

"You sure about this?" Sousuke asks. "I mean, there's a  _lot_ of responsibility in taking over an entire swimming club, you know."

"We know", Makoto replies, smiling. It's vastly different from what he'd been like just a few hours earlier at the swimming club, but it only makes Rin feel more confident about their decision. "But it feels right. I've wanted to work with this for a long time, and it would just make things better, I think."

Sousuke shrugs. "Well, if it makes you happy, then why not. Even if I said I was against it, I'm sure Rin would do it just to spite me even if he didn't really want to." When Rin flips him off, he laughs.

They've just had dinner at Haru's and Sousuke's house again, and once again  _not_ having been fed mackerel. Rin almost wants to wonder if Haru's being malnourished when it comes to mackerel, if maybe Sousuke's gotten him to completely give up on it now. No, that'd be impossible — not even Sousuke would be able to get Haru to give up something that precious to him. 

"Haru, you haven't said a thing. Are you  _that_ against it?" Rin asks jokingly. Haru looks up at him, but then looks down at his hands again with a slight frown.

"Makoto, are you really okay with this?"

Makoto tilts his head to the side, looking confused. "Yes, of course. Why?"

 _Oh_. It suddenly hits Rin like a bag of bricks as to why Haru's hesitant about the whole idea. Sure, Rin sometimes feels like Makoto may be trying  _too_ hard to look past the fear he's still struggling with, but in the end — this is Makoto's decision. He chose this for himself believing he could do it, so Rin's decided to believe in his boyfriend, too. He knows very well the feeling of having people  _not_ believe in you, as much as you don't even believe in yourself. So this is definitely something he knows Makoto needs.

"The... water, I mean."

This time, Makoto furrows his eyebrows. "I've mostly gotten over it already, Haru. Why do you think I'm still working at ITSC?"

Rin already knows what Haru wants to say, and he hopes Haru  _doesn't_ say it — because it'd obviously create an argument not at all needed right now. If only Haru would believe in Makoto as much as he does.

"He's just being a worrier is all", Sousuke cuts in. "We're happy for the both of you."

"Y-yeah", Haru says. "I was just... making sure, that's all. As long as you're happy, Makoto."

Makoto takes Rin's hand in his with that trademark sunbeam smile of his that lights up his entire being, and he nods. "I am."

Some things are best left unsaid, Rin has had to learn in the past few months, and Haru probably knows that, too. And of course, Rin is going to be there to stop Makoto in case he notices his boyfriend making too much of an effort when he seems uncomfortable. Makoto's prone to masking his true feelings in favour of making everyone else happy around him, and that's something Rin has to help him work on. Just as much as there are things Rin needs Makoto's help with — but that's exactly why them dating is a good thing. They complement each other, help each other and make the other a better person, in the end.

"Well, hey", Sousuke says as he gets up from his pillow on the floor, "I guess this calls for a celebration, huh?"

"Sousuke, no", comes Haru's stern voice, but Sousuke just grins. _  
_

"Sousuke,  _yes_ ", he says as he goes out into the kitchen. Makoto's eyes widen in terror at the sound of glass clinkering, and soon enough, Sousuke emerges from the kitchen with a bottle of sake and four small glasses. It doesn't really matter if the glasses would've been bigger, because that's probably not going to change the amount Sousuke's going to convince them to drink tonight, Rin figures. And he knows both he and Makoto aren't good with holding their alcohol, so this... is going to be interesting.

"I hope you pay for our taxi home", Rin says, and his best friend snorts.

"Oh, you can't afford a taxi with your salary? Poor thing."

Rin flips Sousuke the middle finger as they're all poured and given a glass of sake. Makoto lifts his glass and squints at it suspiciously. He sniffs at it, and when he does, he grimaces even more and lets out a disgusted sound that makes even Rin laugh, even though he isn't too excited about having to drink this himself.

"Come on, you guys — I need a  _fun_ drinking buddy", Sousuke complains.

"Oh, Haru isn't good enough for you?" Rin questions, and the taller of the four shrugs.

"Eh, he's a boring drunk. He barely even  _wobbles_ , Rin. And he turns ten times more douchey, but that's it. He's not funny, like I know Tachibana will be. Now then, a toast to your success!"

Makoto and Rin exchange doubtful glances as they've raised their glasses unenthusiastically, and then hesitantly bring their little cups to their mouths. Rin takes half the glass in one go, while his boyfriend only takes less than a sip, but their reaction is pretty similar. Sousuke downs his entire glass before bursting out in laughter, and Haruka calmly sips on his drink before setting his glass down on the kotatsu without as much of a twitch in any of the muscles in his face.

"How are you even  _okay_ with this, Haru?" Makoto whines. The black-haired man shrugs with one shoulder.

"You know who I live with, it's to be expected."

"Hey, are you calling me a drunk?!"

"I didn't say that. You just assumed it."

Rin laughs, leans back with his hands on the floor behind him, and observes his friends bicker. Many detours and stops along the way has finally landed them all here, and it just feels right, for some reason. Like this is where they all belong. So maybe chasing a dream of becoming a professional in the swimming world wasn't something for either of them, but that doesn't mean they can't find new ones. And as much as Rin had doubted it just a few months ago, he's managed to find a new dream of his, much like his friends, and Makoto.

The longer the night goes on, the less is left in that cursed bottle of Sousuke's, and the drunker they all get. Rin discovers just how clingy Makoto gets, how much he just _demands_  Rin's attention, hugs and kisses pretty much all the time. Sousuke is an unending source of bad jokes, and Haru is just... Haru. Rin doesn't understand how the hell Haru manages to act like he's still somewhat sober, when he's had the exact same amount of sake as the rest of them. He's always been a strange person, and it doesn't seem like Rin will ever fully understand his friend.

 

* * *

 

When it's long past midnight, Rin and Makoto finally prepare to leave Sousuke's and Haru's house. It's cold out, and neither of them brought a shirt to wear over their t-shirts, so now they're both standing outside and rubbing their hands over their arms to try and keep warm. Haru snorts.

"Weak", he comments, and Rin glares daggers at him.

"If you guys hadn't kept us here so goddamn long, we would've been able to go home without freezing our asses off."

Thankfully, Rin has sobered up somewhat, having refused to drink any more than just a glass and a half of sake. Makoto, on the other hand, still finds it difficult to refuse what he's being given, so of course — he's now very much drunk, and Rin has to almost carry him home, and make sure he doesn't run off to try and look for stray cats to pet or decide it'd be a good idea to dance in the middle of the street.

"Thank you for tonight, Haru-chan and— _hic_ —Sousuke", Makoto says, his face lit up in a big, radiant smile. He clings on Rin, who almost topples over under the weight of his big boyfriend. Sousuke laughs at them, while Haru just looks displeased at the endearing suffix added onto his name.

"Man, this was fun. We should do it again."

"Hell no", Rin bites back. Tonight has been a very good example of why Sousuke and Haru are together in the first place, it's because they're so eerily similar in the way they can be complete dicks at times, but also very caring people. It's a strange combination, but Rin kind of likes it. "If we don't have any aspirin at home tomorrow when this guy's hungover, I'm calling you to come over with some. You owe me that much."

"Alright, alright", Sousuke says. "So hey, you guys gonna be okay?"

Rin looks at Makoto hanging over his shoulders, and he smiles. "Yeah. Yeah, we'll be fine."

 

> **終。**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one and only song I think fits the end of this fic is ["Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjFaenf1T-Y). _Home is wherever I'm with you._ Yeah, I'm a sap, fight me.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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